Less than no progress

We had court last week. We expected nothing to happen: the first hearing in the termination process is basically the county saying, "hey judge, we plan to proceed with this petition. Everything is filed correctly and all of the necessary parties have been served." Then the judge says, "oh okay, cool. See you in a few weeks."

Well, instead of that, we were adjourned for three weeks. The mom didn't show up, and the dad didn't know he had a new attorney despite having been properly notified (and the new attorney didn't know either, somehow, and hadn't seen any of the paperwork on the case). So we sat in the waiting room from 8:50 until 11:15, and then we spent four minutes in the courtroom setting a new date.

The only positive thing is that the judge didn't want to wait until the next permanency hearing we have scheduled for the end of June, which indicates that he's not feeling patient with the case. He scheduled us for a new date in the middle of June - in the same week that we have Nora's birthday and Andy's birthday and checkups for both girls and my sister coming into town for kids' birthday parties. PERFECT.

Really looking forward to some sort of progress happening before M is a teenager.

What's your deal, Wednesday?

Today did its best to bring me down, y'all. It started 45 minutes earlier than it needed to, with a baby who was super mad at me because I can't make teething any easier and who would NOT go back to sleep. That threw off my morning pretty hard (Andy's too, since I needed him to corral her while I was in the shower instead of leaving while she was still asleep like he usually does). We were out of breakfast foods, so I stopped for an apple fritter, which made my stomach mad, which is bullshit because I'm a grown-ass woman and will eat a fritter for breakfast if I WANT. The coffee machine at my job ate my coffee money. The worker didn't call to tell me if there was a visit, which usually means there isn't, so when the daycare called to say Medical Motors had showed up I told them not to send her. Oh, but hey, there was a mix-up with the worker being in court and our usual clerk out, so the backup clerk called daycare and was snippy about YES THERE WAS A VISIT, so I called and then she was rude to me too.

Also, there was a big customer meeting at work all day, and my old biddy coworkers love any excuse to get excited, so there was a lot of noise in general, followed by the customers being given a tour through the office, including the usually-silent area in which I was trying to work. This isn't a huge deal, but it's a low level of constant annoyance.

Oh, and I'm fighting the cold that the baby brought home from daycare, which is putting a cramp in Operation Get Me Pregnant Again.

Andy knew I was trying to figure out a way to punch today in its face, so he stopped on the way home and got me flowers and a harvest pumpkin chocolate chunk cake (which is the best cake ever, duh). Then we left for our WIC appointment and while we were gone Pancakes somehow got on the kitchen table (climbed the high chair, maybe?) and ATE MY CAKE.

So when we got home, I gave the baby her bath and Andy went to Wegmans and got me another cake. No joke. And we just had a piece and watched an episode of Parks and Recreation, and we're going to bed early. I'm calling a do-over and starting again in the morning.

This post was a hell of a downer, right? Sorry about that. Here's some awesome news: My sister is having a girl! I'm going to have a third niece! I've been pushing hard for this one to have Rachael for a middle name too.

Unpopular opinion: I don't like Target.

That's right, I said it.

Oh, sure, I'll happily stroll through the store and usually find something on clearance to snap up. And sure, they do interesting things with fancy-ass designers and stuff.

But I really mostly think they suck.

It started four years ago when we got married and registered there. There was some glitch in the system that made it look like several items were still available on the registry after someone had purchased them and faithfully toted that terrible printout to the register and had it scanned and everything. So we ended up with multiples of things, and they wouldn't let us return some of them without gift receipts, even when they were clearly items we had registered for, and even for store credit or THE SAME GODDAMN ITEM IN ANOTHER COLOR, even when they were items that are only sold at Target. So, fuck you, Target, for the eight bath towels in the same color in my linen closet.

Another strike against them is their horrifically bad website. I would assert that Target has the worst fucking website of any major corporation out there. K-Mart has a better website, for god's sake (yes, I checked). Target's site is difficult to navigate; there are bizarre classifications for things; nothing is intuitive; every once in a while I'll discover a dead link and have no idea how to go about locating the item I was looking for. I seriously am bummed when people I love register there, because reading registries on their site is painful. Those horrible hover menus get in my way every three goddamn seconds and since I'm using a netbook they're impossible to get out of because they take the whole screen. Ugh.

Final straw: my local Target has decided to remodel its perfectly workable layout to make things less okay. Shit is now crowded together on the sales floor, so god help you if you're trying to navigate a cart through, say, racks of clothing. Nope, sorry, you're smashing into shit left and right, hope you don't have a sleeping baby in a carseat on your cart. I stopped by yesterday to get some onesies and spent eleven minutes trawling the three racks of infant clothes surrounded by two dozen racks of toddler shit and couldn't find onesies anywhere. I finally found them on an endcap between the bottles and baby food, because of course that's where they were. Right before I checked out, though, I remembered we have a Target gift card I could use, so I put 'em back (in that totally ridiculous location) and went back today.

Guess what? They weren't there. That endcap is now reserved for sippy cups. No onesies anywhere to be seen. And when I asked a worker, she told me that they don't have a place to put all of them, so they pulled them from the floor. And no, no one could just go grab me two packs of them. Sorry.

All I wanted was six fucking long-sleeve onesies in 0-3 month size. Really, this is a pretty basic item for any store with a baby section. But it's a little complicated for Target, because of their total dedication to sucking at customer service. Looks like that $20 is going to Wal-Mart so they can trample some more workers' rights, because fuck you, Target, I'm not going to keep dropping by and hoping you've worked out how to be a functioning business.

Tell me I'm not alone in this. I can't be the only one they've ever irritated, right?

Any votes on how I respond to this one?

We got another note from the baby's mom today!

Naturally, it's critical.

I keep reminding myself that maybe she's saying nice things to the worker, or something, and those messages aren't making it to us, and that she's doing what she can to take an interest. It's okay.

The note, in summary, says that the mom noticed that the baby has diaper rash and was wondering what was up, and also that the baby is getting a bald patch. She's not upset, just concerned.

OH REALLY? Glad you're not upset. Really relieved there.

The mom has another kid and, according to Facebook, friends with kids, so I'm amazed that she's surprised at a bald spot. If you put a baby on her back to sleep, she will end up with a bald spot. That's just what happens. Like, this is Babies 101 shit. And the diaper rash started after her visit with her dad last week, when he gave her a full bottle even though she had just eaten at daycare. Oh, and because she had just eaten, we didn't send a bottle with formula, so he must have given her whatever generic formula they have on hand at the visitation center, and her little system was messed up for DAYS. So, yeah, no diaper rash on our account, but thanks.

Here's my sister's suggested reply:

Dear baby's mom, she's a baby. I have enclosed a copy of What To Expect The First Year and also the movie Babies, for you to educate yourself. Please don't feed her weird shit, or her butt hurts, and the bald spot is totally normal and way smaller than it would be if she were with you. Sincerely, Second Mom.

What should I write back?

Dream vs. reality: Friday evening edition

What I am doing this evening: (Note: All pictures are google-image-search results designed to illustrate and not actual pictures of people, places, or events in my life. Duh.)

Rehearsal for tomorrow's wedding

Rehearsal dinner

Deal with Bridezilla, who seems to think I agree with her crazy

Avoid giving her too much side-eye

What I want to do tonight:

Drink cheap and delicious pinot grigio

Take a bubble bath (in a still, apparently?)

Relax with a book (Isn't this painting gorgeous?

Go to bed early.

Sorry for the most obnoxious post ever. Putting my game face - and some jeans without a hole in the crotch - on for the night.

Thursday is looking up.

Today has done its goddamndest to bring me down, and I'm not going to let it.

Crappy: didn't get near enough sleep.

Good: Andy made coffee, and I had homemade peach cobbler for breakfast.

Crappy: Basically all of work. Two different customer issues somehow became my problem; a straightforward thing I was working was actually a giant mess in disguise; my boss doesn't understand ellipses and responds to emails with things like, "Ok.... thanks...." as the entire email, causing me to worry that she's secretly unhappy with me or my work.

Good: I'm going to hang out with my mom tonight while Andy and my dad and brother go to see the Doobie Brothers (a birthday present for my dad), and I am bringing pinot grigio and good cheese (some Jarlsberg, a nice chunk of extra-aged Beemster, and a lovely Tallegio) (I'm a cheese fan. Thought you knew.).

Extra awesome: the Kid and Brian and the Best Baby Ever are going to stay with us in a few weeks when they come to town for Amira's baptism! They were considering staying with my brother, but my sister-in-law is starting a new teaching position that week and it will be a little smoother for everyone if they just stay here. I have a lot of baby-smooshing plans, you guys.

How's your Thursday?

Recap: Baptism fight!

The long-awaited (and just plain long) story of my most recent fight with Andy.

I want to preface this with a statement about how we really almost never fight. We avoid conflict and are really good at communicating and shit. However, sometimes things just aren't clicking. This was one of those times.

So we had a baptism to attend on Sunday, which was after the noon mass at a church nearby. We've known about it for weeks. The plan, initially, was for us to get a present on the way, attend mass, do the baptism thing, and go to the family party afterwards.

On Friday, Andy's boss asked him if he wanted to go golfing on Sunday morning, at a course an hour away, tee time at 6:30. Andy (who was really on the spot - his boss hollered out to him from his office while on the phone making the reservation) said he'd go, and remembered a few minutes later about the baptism. He told me Friday night that he still was planning to go, but was pretty sure they'd be home by 10:30 or 11. I know precisely dick about how long it takes to golf, so I figured that would be plenty of time for us to grab a present and get to church. He agreed, but specified that I was "in charge of the present." In my world, this meant I got to pick it out, as he doesn't know what the hell to get a three-month-old-girl for her baptism. In his world, this meant, "Please go to the store and buy the present and have it ready before I get home," which, if that was what he meant is goddamn well what he should have said.

So. Sunday morning. I got up around ten, but put off showering, since one of the things I hate most in the world is having someone walk into the house while I'm naked and vulnerable behind a curtain. (Seriously. I startle easily.) I started to get annoyed around 10:45 that I was just sort of in a holding pattern until he got home and we could get shit started. Then, at 11:11 (thanks, technology!), he texted that they were just finishing the game, sorry, took longer than expected, be home just before noon. This pisses me off, as there's no way it was a surprise to him that they were playing slowly and why couldn't he have texted to let me know, like, say, an hour ago?

So I shower and rush out to get the present. The store I wanted to go to - a Christian bookstore, where I was hoping to buy the baby a stuffed Jesus, because that's awesome - was closed. I didn't have time to go anywhere else, so I went to Toys R Us in the same plaza. Holy shit, that place is awful, isn't it? Finding anything took forever, and finding anything that wouldn't require a second mortgage took even longer.

I left Toys R Us with ten minutes to drive six minutes home, wrap the present, and drive seven minutes to the church. I pulled in the driveway to discover that Andy had gotten home and apparently left without me, assuming I was already at the church. So I'm the one who's been running around at the last minute and is now going to be late, and he gets to breeze in on time and look like the good guy. I checked my phone and found that he had called and texted, but they FUCKING AWFUL MUSIC in Toys R Us drowned it out. I texted back that, obviously, I was running late, and he replied that hey, mass had already started, they were sitting off to the left. At that point, I was seriously so steamed that he was all, Hey you're late! when HE MADE ME SO LATE I WAS SO MAD THAT JERK WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS, DOESN'T HE THINK I'D LEAVE A NOTE IF I LEFT WITHOUT HIM.

Then I walked into the house to get wrapping paper, and discovered Pancakes had managed to climb onto the kitchen table, found a bowl of powdered-sugar glaze I'd made, ate most of it, and knocked the bowl onto the floor, where it shattered. I was so pissed and overwhelmed that I teared up, so I had to take a minute to calm down and not cry and ruin my makeup and then have to tell everyone for three hours why I was upset. So I got to clean up sticky shards of glass, then wrap the present, then drive to the church, where I had to park in the "Bad Christian" section way out behind a field. I got into church a solid half-hour late.

It was a really good thing that the friends we were hanging out with are a huge family and sit all jumbled up, because I got to sit next to two precious toddlers and not Andy during church.

In the car on the way to the party afterwards, I tried to explain why I was so upset, and Andy said a truly dangerous thing: "I'm sorry you're so upset about this." Not "I'm sorry I was so late and communicated poorly." Not "I'm sorry I really didn't plan this out." No. What I heard was "I'm sorry you're such an emotional female about this." "I'm sorry you have stupid feelings."

Later, when I had cooled down (lasagna and more babies helped), he told me that he had played his worst game of golf ever, and that in hindsight he had no idea how he thought the timing would work, and apologized sincerely. He also was very surprised to hear that he hadn't in fact apologized for upsetting me - and was receptive to the difference between "I'm sorry you're upset" and "I'm sorry I upset you." It helped, and by that evening we were back to normal. But seriously, for a few hours there I wanted to do one of those weird primal screams while smashing things.

What fights have you gotten in recently?

Things I hate: Tuesday edition

More things I hate:

• My company relocated a few weeks ago. The old place had three smallish bathrooms, and the new place has one big one (per gender, I mean), which means your likelihood of running into someone in the bathroom is much higher. At least twice a week, someone in the bathroom feels a need to exclaim about how much busier the new bathrooms are. Can't a girl just change her tampon and/or worry about the color of her urine in peace?
• There's a dude parked in his car across the street from my house. The way the street is set up, it's possible he's waiting for someone in another house, but he's DIRECTLY in front of my house, and only sort of near two other houses. He has not moved or done anything unusual since I got home, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him to leave. Now.
• I'm hungry and want a snack, but we're going to our friends' house for dinner and I'm not sure what time we're eating. We're supposed to arrive at 6, so dinner could be anywhere from, like, 6:15 to 7:30. I don't want to show up not-hungry, as these friends always cook enough for an army, but don't want to sit there ready to eat my own arm because I didn't have a snack.
• It's a big ol' cookout thing we're going to, so I get to deal with Andy's dad in the intense humidity and heat, which is an extra-special treat.
• Work Friend quit smoking a while ago, and gave us permission to give her shit about it if she started back up. She has since started back up and quit again several times, and Work Acquaintance is an asshole about it to her every single time.  If Work Friend were to say anything (like, you know, it's an actual addiction and it sucks, thanks for being a jerk instead of supportive!), Work Acquaintance would protest that it was all lighthearted and besides Work Friend told her to! So on top of nicotine withdrawal and trying her best not to soothe herself with eating a ton, she also has a "friend" she's known for a long time being a dick to her on top of it. None of this is actually my business, but it pisses me off.
• That guy from his car has gotten out of the car and appears to be canvassing for something, as he's going to doors holding a clipboard. No suit, so he's probably not a Jehovah's Witness (who are fun to chat with and occasionally give your mom's cell phone number).
• Both dogs got groomed this weekend, and when I went to let them back in this morning, Rooster (who was white when I let him out) was laying in a patch of bare sandy dirt. He is now closer to beige than white. And on the couch.

What about you, ducks? You grumpy about anything?

Two good things and two irritating things.

Today has been an interesting balance. My allergies are acting up hard, helped along by the shifts in weather, leading to a pounding headache and a general sense of stupidity all day. This made it very hard to do more than sit at my desk and stare blankly at the stack of work waiting for me. I also couldn't help checking the clock over and over, and I'm confident that it was 3:19 p.m. for at least fifteen minutes.

Work finally ended, obviously, and on my way home I was tailgated for several minutes by a total douchebag. I watched him in my rearview mirror from the time he swooped in behind me, cutting off the person who had foolishly left more than a car length's distance between us. This douchebag was a king among douchebags, and honked at me twice in the space of a mile. First, I had the audacity to stop at a red light. Even if I had chosen to run the light, traffic was backed up enough that I only would have made it to the opposite side of the intersection. Then, since traffic was so slow anyway, as I crept past a daycare I slowed down a little extra to let a lady out in front of me. King Douche laid on his horn, so I flicked him off in a pretty obvious manner (not my proudest moment, but this headache!). He rolled his eyes, then made a snap decision and pulled into the shoulder and sped past a lane of traffic. I am not proud of thinking that I hoped he crashed and was fine but effectively subdued.

I decided that a little caffeine might help the headache and the cranky, so that brings us to good thing number one: the mocha-coconut frappucino from Starbucks. Have you tried this yet? It was so good! I usually think that mocha frapuccinos are kind of wimpy, not enough coffee or chocolate, but the coconut was lovely. I am one of those people who firmly believes in the glory of chocolate plus coconut. My head feels a teeny bit better, too.

And finally, good thing number two: Tonight Andy and I are going to our first information session on becoming foster parents. I promise I am not going to turn this into a bizarre family-friendly lovefest or anything, but this is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and Andy is finally there with me. Mostly my reason is this: I worked at that shelter for eight years, and a whole lot of the kids I worked with had been in and out of foster care. If I can provide a safe place for one of those kids - who I know to be sweet, loving, funny things - instead of them being sent to some shithole with junkies who pocket the checks, then I feel obligated to do that.

We haven't really told anyone about this whole "maybe being a foster parent" thing yet, because we're so early in the whole thing, but if I can't be excited about shit like this on my own personal blog, where I am mostly anonymous, where can I? If you feel like I'm not cussing enough and talking enough about being hungover or whatever, feel free to let me know.

How is your day? Have you tried that coconut thing? (You should.) Any foster parents or kids out there?

Warning: heavy use of the f-word ahead.

You guys, I am seriously fucking cranky today. I even tried to talk myself out of being cranky. "But wait!" I said sternly, "you have a cute new haircut, and your new car is from the fucking future so the radio turns itself up and down as you accelerate and decelerate, and you started working on the upstairs bathroom. Chill out." All of that is true, but I'm still fucking grouchy. My hair does look cute, and my new car is baller, but I'm still one grumpy lady. In fact, I responded to my internal pep talk with, "Seriously, all that can fucking suck it, because I'm not interested."

So I've been cussing a whole lot today, mostly in my head. I have mentally cussed out my clients who apparently don't know how to read, who send me nonsense and are confused when I ask questions about it. I mentally cussed out my snow-plow guy, who does a terrible job despite being paid to not do a terrible job, because I had to shovel wet, melty slush from the bottom of the driveway when I got home so I don't get stuck in it when it freezes overnight. I cussed out my father-in-law, who isn't my favorite human being anyway, for choosing the cheapest plow service (he pays for half of ours as a Christmas present) instead of, you know, getting some references and finding out if they suck really bad (so far, the services he's picked have sucked really bad for two years in a row.) I cussed out the people we bought our house from for flat-out lying about water damage in the upstairs bathroom, making what should have been simple repainting into a much bigger project with drywall-patching and seaming and stuff (I cuss them out a lot). I cussed out my coworkers for pooping in the bathroom nearest my desk and then emptying half a fucking can of the worst-fucking-scented air freshener ever.

I heartily cussed myself out, too, because I know part of my fucking problem is that I'm PMSing. I'm a grown-ass woman who should be able to acknowledge that my hormones are contributing to me feeling irritable, and then deal with it in a healthy way (interior pep talk: like shoveling the driveway!) but instead I'm just extra grumpy that I'm even grumpy in the first place.

Here's my game plan to get ungrumpy. First, I'm going to change into some pajamas and warm socks. Then, I'm going to eat some chili and the leftover guacamole from yesterday, probably while finally catching up on this season of The Office. Then, when Andy gets home, I'm going to suggest two movie choices for tonight: either Stepbrothers or Die Hard 2 (shut up, the point is to cheer me up, not watch some stupid Oscar nominee). Then, if all else fails, I'll take a bubble bath.

Anyone else grumpy? What's your game plan look like? For the love of god, I'm looking for suggestions over here.

If looks could really kill, then my profession would be staring

I'm grumpy today. I guess it's somewhere between the mean reds and a no-good, very bad day, except that my day wasn't really all that bad.

Annoying things that happened today:
1. Someone entered my husband's unlocked car and stole his iPod.
2. A customer responded to my "Ok, it's past the deadline and you haven't responded in four months!" email WITHIN TEN MINUTES to point out a typo and also to send me more materials.
3. I had a long, boring meeting. Maybe 3% of what we talked about applied to me.
4. I was informed that I made the same careless mistake in four places over the last week. Not really a huge deal, but irritating nonetheless.
5. Some jerk on a cellphone cut me off in order to slam on his brakes and then turn into a church. Seriously.
6. It was dark when I left work at 4:42.

Usually, I'd laugh this stuff off (okay, maybe not #1) but today I just stayed grumpy all day. But I've thought up some possible cures:
A. Stay home, eat some of my mom's homemade beef stew, watch a movie, and knit.
B. Go to the mall and window-shop (or actually shop). I am one of a select group of people who actually love the mall when it's full of Christmas hustle and bustle. I'm not kidding, and it's in a completely non-ironic way.
C. Go see The Other Guys, which we didn't see the other night.
D. Talk Andy into going for a walk with the dog, because it's supposed to rain for the rest of the week.

Any thoughts? What about you - do you have a sure-fire way to cheer yourself up?