Monday, December 6, 2010

We have dinner with Andy's parents sometimes.

I did not get him this mug  for Christmas.

Here are possible topics of conversation with Rodger, Andy's dad, with notes as to where he typically is located when raising these topics:
  • Help yourself to a drink if you're thirsty (from his recliner in the living room, to anyone who has entered the house, no matter how far they are from his recliner)
  • How much I paid for the food you are currently eating and how great a deal it was (at the dinner table, every single time we eat there)
  • Have you seen this movie? It's such a good movie (from his recliner, regarding either Gangs of New York or Goodfellas, no matter how many times I inform him that, yes, I've seen them)
  • Did you see that part where [horribly bloody thing happens with lots of detail] (at the dinner table)
  • So-and-so is a nice guy, for a [black man/Jewish man/Puerto Rican man/Catholic/gay/whatever] (from his recliner; he doesn't typically notice when I leave the room when he says shit like this - in his mind, all nice people who don't look and think like him are exceptions to the rule)
  • (Christmas season only) I don't know why you bother with all that futzing around with shopping and stuff. You know what always fits? Cash. And if you don't like it, you can return it to me, HAHAHA. (dinner table/recliner/around the Christmas tree on Christmas day)
  • You thirsty? Grab a drink from the fridge there.
  • Soda. It's in the fridge. Help yourself.
  • Want something to drink? 
  • (Back when I was a vegetarian for the first six years he knew me) Want some ham? HAHAHAHA (from his recliner or the dinner table, whenever he happened to remember I didn't eat meat)
  • Idiots who drive and what I think about them (dinner table, typically)
  • Bowling scores of friends of his I've never met (dinner table)
  • Weather/road conditions he has recently experienced (dinner table or recliner)
I have a game where sometimes I try to see how often I can change the subject without him noticing. I just throw in a sentence or two like we were already talking about it. So far my record is six subjects in fourteen minutes. The only problem with this game is that if I'm engaging and responding, he takes a lot longer to talk himself out and fall asleep in his recliner.

P.S. I feel obliged to note that my husband is absolutely nothing like his father. If he were, he wouldn't be my husband.

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