Thursday, March 17, 2011

On work-related worrying

I might have mentioned that I worry about work-related stuff. Any time I have a meeting with my boss, I assume it's because I'm going to be "talked to," which in the business world means "chewed out" or "put on warning" or whatever.

Part of this - actually, nine-tenths of this - is because at my last job, my first "big kid" job, my boss straight-out lied to me about how she was reporting my progress (told me it was all fine, but told the big bosses there were problems), then without warning put me on probation, watched me to the point of me almost filing a report on her harassing me, and essentially told me I could quit or get fired. Please note that all of this was despite frequent positive reports from the people I worked for (my clients, if you will), and the best results in the area two years in a row, by a whole lot. Said boss would tell you that it wasn't personal, but there were a lot of people doing a lot worse than I was who weren't on probation, and I had made it clear (foolishly, when asked) that I disagreed with some of the policies we followed.

So now, I don't trust anything any boss says, even when the boss seems like a decent boss, because I've been fooled once, right? My annual review was pretty great, and I'm not having weekly dressings-down or anything, but I still just don't ever feel like I'm not about to land on the chopping block. It sucks.

All of this is in the forefront of my mind today, because my boss has been on vacation for the last week, so I haven't had to review any small talk we've made for hints, or worry about her walking by when I'm taking my (totally legit!) break and reading a book, or whatever.

Except today, she came in unannounced for a little bit. I passed her when she was at her desk, and had a minor freak out, because the last time she took a week's vacation, she came in just to fire someone.

I didn't get fired, though, and she didn't even see me, so I'm just going to go ahead and have some whiskey and chill the fuck out.

Anyone else out there a weirdo sissy worrier like me? Reassure me, please!


  1. Funny. I just told my boss the other day that every time she calls me into her office I think it's because somehow I have totally messed up. And this is without any precedence, so I am just crazy.

  2. I read some interesting stuff about "impostor syndrome" (, but I totally know that my own accomplishments are valid. I just assume that my boss doesn't know it, or that I'm going to get fired anyway. Glad I'm not the only worrier out there!