Thursday, September 22, 2011

Delightful text conversation

So I have a friend who is running in this and I have a brother who was in the Navy and I have a brother-in-law who's in the Air Force. I figured I could combine all these things and have my brother-type-people set her up some sort of training affair, which led to this text exchange:

Me: Hi, Assface!* I have a friend who’s training for a 5k/obstacle course that involves zombies, and I suggested that you could maybe make her a practice boot-camp style course in her yard. Thoughts?
Brother: I don’t know what that means.
Me: You are into fitness, and therefore I want you to set up an obstacle course that mimics boot camp for a friend who is training for a crazy event that involves running 5k, obstacles, and zombies. I don’t know how much more clear I can be.
Brother: a) What? 2) are you under the assumption that boot camp is a giant jungle gym? D) give me more information on zombie 5k and kinds of obstacles.**
Me: A. You're kind of slow today. Must be The Texas*** getting to you. 2. Yes. That's how it looks in "In the Army Now."**** D., look at the gallery. I'm trying to talk our sister into doing the Maryland one.

*My siblings and I pretty much called each other Assface for three years straight. My mom, obviously, disapproves, which is why we now mostly just call each other "Face" in her presence. It's shorthand.
**The a/2/d setup is from Home Alone, and therefore my brother gets extra points.
***He's on a business trip. Don't murder him, because then who will build the obstacle course?
****1. I know it should be in italics, but I don't think my phone knows how to do that. 2. Pauly Shore's third best movie?*****
*****Son-in-Law and Encino Man, duh.


  1. I really, really hope that zombie 5k comes here. Also, YES to Encino Man. Betty Nugs!

  2. Oh my gosh, can you imagine that nonsense going on in Highland Park or something? That would be AMAZING.

    I'm not even ashamed of how much I like Son-in-Law.

  3. Um, i had some of my friends ALMOST convnced to do this with me, but then we found out that it costs $70 to run in it and $35 just to watch. Also it seems to be a woodstock-esque during/after party which is cool and all but i doubt my 3 month old woukd be welcome.

  4. Face, remember when I offered to come watch you run (I'd still make you a Les-Miserables-themed sign!) and hold the baby? It's win-win!