On this heat

WHAT TO DO WHEN IT IS 90° AND HUMIDITY IS SOMEWHERE NEAR A MILLION:

• Nothing.
• Alternate plans that are acceptable:
• Eat ice cream. Maybe some potato salad. Drink an iced chai.
• Give your dogs ice cubes.
• Sit in the basement in your underwear. (True story: our basement is so much cooler than the rest of the house that we slept down there the first few nights we owned the house, because it was August and the air conditioner wasn't installed yet.)

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN IT IS THIS HOT:

• Cook. Anything.
• Do anything strenuous, like biking or jogging or sexing or watching shows with complicated plotlines.
• Be outside for more than three minutes in a row.
• Drink warm beverages.
• Yardwork.
• Let any patch of skin remain in contact with any other patch of skin for more than a few seconds (this is best managed by laying like a starfish on a blanket on the basement floor. Bonus points if you moan dramatically while doing it. Double-bonus points if you didn't bother to bring down any of the four loads of laundry you should be doing.)

EFF THIS HEAT. What would you add to either list?