Thursday, October 6, 2011

Regular occurences

Three things that happen pretty often in my house:

1. I eat beets. I remind myself while I'm preparing them and while I'm eating them that beets make my pee turn pink, and that pink pee doesn't mean I'm dying. I go about my day. I go pee. I note that my pee is pink and immediately think I'm peeing out, like, my kidneys or something. Every goddamn time I eat beets, the next time I go to the bathroom I have a minor freak-out.

2. Many mornings, Andy wakes me up just before he leaves for work. He does this because he's noticed that I'm not up yet, despite both of my alarms having gone off and the fact that I'm now ten minutes late. Instead of immediately getting up, I kiss him goodbye and spend ten more minutes in bed, reading the weather and news updates on my phone. It's really, really rare that any of the news articles I read are in fact useful to my life. Then I rush around like a madwoman trying to get out the door on time. I'm relieved that my job is flexible enough that I can be ten minutes late whenever I want, but I wonder if they were stricter if I'd be better at getting the hell out of bed.

3. I pick up something heavy or bulky, like a laundry basket, from next to a coffee table or end table or dresser. "Oh," I think to myself, "better watch out for that coffee table!" Then I immediately turn and crush my finger or jam my toe or scrape the everloving fuck out of my shin on the exact thing I just reminded myself not to hit.

The moral of the story here is, I don't exactly have it as together as I sometimes make it seem on this here blog.*

*Having said that, our corned beef dinner was fucking perfect.

Do you do this kind of thing too? I can't be the only one!

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