Turns out it is a bad idea to wait till your husband leaves for his touch football game then watch the National Geographic special Lions vs Hyenas or whatever it's called while you're pmsing. Within the fifty-nine-minute special, you watch a precious adorable baby hyena murder her baby sister, watch a cobra bite and kill three fluffy sweet lion cubs, watch the cubs' cobra-bitten mother die a slow painful death over the course of four days, watch a lion you really were kind of rooting for get slowly picked to death by the pack of hyenas (and roar in pain the whole time), and watch, like, half these damn animals be ostracized and driven from their packs. You may or may not try to convince the dogs sitting near you that all your sniffling is really just allergies. You may also be too proud to turn it off and admit defeat.
OH MY GOD, ACTUAL SENTENCE: "One swift bite to the neck, and the new matriarch - is dead."