Assumptions I make about strangers

A partial list.

• If you are driving under the speed limit and there are no cops in sight, you are high.
• If you are wearing Crocs in public, you are not highly educated.
• If you are wearing a bluetooth ear thing and are not currently talking on the phone, you are a presumptuous douche.
• If you are under the age of forty and are wearing big plastic Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, you pretend to only like obscure music but secretly listen to Jewel and watch American Idol.
• If you are a male and your pants are so low that I can see more than three inches of your underwear, you are an idiot. (I have yet to find a single exception to this one.)
• If you are loudly talking on your cell phone at the library, you cheat on your taxes.
• If your child is out in public with ratty hair, you're self-centered. (I know that this one is more likely to mean you're overworked and overtired, but still. Brush that rat's nest.)
• If you spit on the ground in public, you hit children and/or puppies.

What assumptions do you make? Do we share any?