A little bit of progress

So the paperwork to file M's parents' rights was filed a week and a half ago.

In the three months since I last posted, M's mom has decided she'd rather M stay with us than go with her dad. This is awesome, but only if M's mom sticks to this statement in court and doesn't let M's dad intimidate her into staying quiet about it.

M's dad is not happy about being served with the termination papers. He says she shouldn't be adopted and that he's going to file for custody. He's had two and a half years in which he could have done that, so I'm sure the judge will see right through it. It does indicate that things aren't going to be as easy as we could have hoped, though.

Our first hearing is on May 22. Nothing will happen that day, and then we'll come back for our permanency hearing (those are the ones that happen every six months) in June. We'll eventually hire a lawyer, but the one we're going to hire is (rightfully) very expensive and it doesn't make financial sense to hire her until we're closer to knowing where this is all heading.

It is a lot of fun to have the girls old enough to interact. The baby is ten months and is getting really close to walking. It's exhausting and so fun and I wouldn't change a second of it. Besides M not being ours [yet?] - I'd change that in a heartbeat.

Hello, hello

1. M had a visit with her biological mom this week. It was the first time M had seen her mom in 18 months. I requested to be allowed to attend, so M could have someone she was familiar with, and the worker reported that the mom said she wasn't trying to be a bitch or anything but she didn't want me there. I'm choosing to look at it this way: The mom knows the termination is coming. She will almost certainly wait until the last minute and then surrender her rights, because if she surrenders she can request visits. She's comfortable with the worker (they've known each other for about five years) and it's scary as hell to start visiting a child you haven't seen in over a year, but a lot more scary to do so when it's at the whim of the strangers who have been raising that child. I'm trying to be positive about this, because of course it would be better for M to have a relationship with her mom, but damn does it suck to see her wrecked by visits over and over again. The night of a visit she cycles between being super clingy, and naughty on purpose, and silly and manic. It's rough. And now that she's able to communicate, she tells us she doesn't want to go on visits, and it really sucks that that doesn't matter to anyone but us.

2. Other than visits, nothing is new with her case. The worker reported that the termination paperwork was "half done" but I have no idea what that means in terms of time. Our next court date is scheduled for January, but the worker remains optimistic we'll be in before then to have the first hearing about termination. Oh, and the dad attended every single visit for a whole month (all of October) for the first time ever, and then canceled his first visit in November. And they're changing the visit times AGAIN because of the dad's bullshit, so that's pretty cool for M.

3. We're in the new house and it's starting to feel like home. The stuff we need for daily living is all unpacked, so now we have to decide where we're keeping stuff like outgrown baby clothes or Christmas decorations or whatever. We are making slow progress, because by the time both girls are in bed we're both just ready to collapse, and it's hard to make ourselves do stuff like paint all of the ugly celery-green trim in the upstairs hall when there's a new season of Parks and Recreation on Netflix.

4. Nora is still awesome and funny and huge - she'll be five months old this week, and she's wearing six-to-nine-month clothes. She discovered on Thursday that she can get her foot to her mouth, which is pretty funny to watch. She laughs when she sees me and my heart just about explodes every time.

5. This past week has capital-S Sucked. Being at work and away from the girls was harder than it's been in a month. Work has been annoying and I've been tense and grumpy just about every minute I'm there. I cried when M's mom showed up for the visit and there was no call from the worker that the mom had changed her mind and I could come. And then I got my period for the first time in over a year and it all made sense. I don't really know how to have a period anymore. I got super indignant that this shit happens every goddamn month, too. What is that about?

Pants party.

Things are still progressing around here. I don't have the energy to devote to regular blogging, but that means that any time I pop in, I feel like I'm just doing the same update every time:
1. Nora is still the fucking coolest. She just wants to hang out and I desperately wish our finances made it possible for me to stay home with her and M, but I know that going into debt to do so is a bad idea in the long run.
2. Nothing really to report with M's case. Her dad has been so inconsistent that the new worker (who is still doing as little with the case as she can while our worker's on maternity leave) decided to only extend one of his visits instead of both, so now she has up to three hours of visits a week. They had to change the visits to the morning so now Andy and I can't pick her up, which makes me sad. The termination paperwork still hasn't been filed. I also had to make a few phone calls today because we haven't been paid in two months - we've been having our mail forwarded and it turns out they won't forward checks from the county. Would've been fucking cool for M's temporary worker, her regular worker, or our worker to have mentioned that, since they all knew we were moving. We're not desperate for the money or anything, but I'm certain the county wouldn't have ever tried to make up those two months if I hadn't called.
3. The hardwoods are being done in the house this week, and we're going to start painting on Sunday. There's a lot of painting that we want to do and we're trying to figure out the logistics of painting with two little kids. Any suggestions there would be welcome.

And now, something a little more interesting. Here are words and phrases that I've heard in the rhythmic noises produced by my breast pump:
- Rachael (I hear this a lot, and it's kind of creepy)
- Apple
- Westeros (why yes, I had been watching a lot of Game of Thrones)
- Bob Ross
- Wacko
- Cello
- Let's go

If you have experience with pumping, please reassure me that this isn't just me.

Blogging break over!

Hello, internet friends. Here is what is happening around here:

1. Our baby is still the greatest. She's eleven weeks old and so happy and laid back and she just wants to hang out all the time.

2. It's awesome that she's so awesome, but it makes it way harder to be back at work. I went back three weeks ago and I hate being away from her so, so much. We talked about me going part-time, but our benefits are through my job so if I dropped my hours we'd have to get them through Andy's work, for more money and less coverage. So mostly I just get really teary a lot, and Andy does drop-off so I'm not a weepy mess. I rush to pick the girls up every afternoon and spend as much time in the evening holding Nora as is possible.

3. M is still a funny sweet lovely kid, and she still adores Nora. Today she walked by me and smooched the top of Nora's head, absentmindedly almost, as I was holding the baby. Our usual worker is still out on leave, and the new worker is in no rush to do anything at all with M's case. This is good in that her dad's visits haven't been extended (which the judge ordered in July), and really really shitty in that she hasn't done anything to get the paperwork filed to terminate M's parents' rights. Our usual worker is back next month so I'm trying to not freak too much.

4. We're still waiting for a closing date on our house. It is frustrating to have to wait on banks and mortgage dudes and appraisers and who even knows who else. But I'm daydreaming about autumn in our new-old house, with pumpkins on the front porch and pretty leaves changing color on our street!

I'm fucking tired a lot still so I've been keeping up with reading the internets while I'm pumping at work (p.s. I HATE pumping at work) but can't be bothered to post here much. I'll try not to be away for a month again though!

We have a "for sale" sign in our yard.

First, an update on my last post: Our friends found out that their foster son didn't die from SIDS, as was originally assumed. The poor thing had an undetected hole in his stomach that let formula and stomach acid into his abdomen, and the resulting infection is what led to his death. Obviously this doesn't make the situation any easier, and it's especially shitty that our county assured them that they were in no way at fault but still removed the other twin from their care. Please continue sending positive thoughts their way.

Second, an update on selling our house: We have the "for sale" sign, but the house isn't going to actually be listed until Saturday. It is a lot of work to get a house ready for sale, if you have any interest at all in getting a good price for it. Andy is shampooing carpets while I type this, no joke. We're having an open house next Sunday so we're living in this weird limbo of "where are the tissues?" and "is the blender already packed up?" and "is it worth the effort to fetch the coffeemaker from the garage to make a pot then bring it back out there?" (Answers: top shelf of the linen closet; yes, and at my mom's; nope.)

Third, an update on my pregnancy. I'm seven months pregnant now, which seems kind of nuts. Besides the exhaustion and occasional OH THE FIRE heartburn, I've been feeling fine, so it's been easy to float along like this isn't a huge deal. I just signed us up for childbirth classes through the hospital, and this weekend we're doing a tour of the birthing center therein, and now all of a sudden it's a lot more real that in short order I will be producing an actual human baby. In the last three days, four different people have commented on how much bigger my belly suddenly seems (THANKS GUYS) and I do have to say that things like settling in on the couch or even sitting in the driver's seat comfortably are a big production now. My weight gain is still on the low end of the scale* (get it?) (but not in a concerning way) so I guess I just forgot that all of a sudden I wouldn't be able to do things like tie my high-tops easily or shave my goddamn legs. Oh, and I passed my gestational diabetes test (which was as disgusting as they all say it is) and they found out I'm slightly anemic, so now I'm on an iron supplement that contains a stool softener and life has gotten more interesting re: bathroom time.

*This is not deliberate. I had two donuts and a huge glass of whole milk for breakfast. I think it's mostly attributable to the fact that I don't ever really feel that hungry, since my abdomen isn't large enough to contain my basketball-sized uterus and also a full stomach. I don't snack much, and when I do it's usually fruit or a handful of peanut m&ms.

Fourth, an update on M's case. Her dad got a new job a few weeks ago, which meant moving her visits until late in the afternoon, in a way that was guaranteed to disrupt evenings. The timing also meant he wouldn't be out of work early enough to be in the building early like they had been requiring, so they decided to give him a shot without that. Well, as of today he'd missed three out of six visits at the new time, so they're telling him he has to be there early again. In the short term, that means there won't be visits for a while; I don't know if he'll try to change his schedule or what, but they won't be bringing M from daycare to hang out with the worker without the dad there anymore. I fully expected the dad to be on his best behavior this month because tomorrow marks M's 15 months in care (!!) and I know he has been told this. The worker told me today that they haven't even pulled her files to write the termination paperwork, but they could file any time after tomorrow, legally. In reality it's likely we won't know a thing more about where this is heading until after this new baby arrives.

I sure hope y'all like hearing about foster care and me being knocked up and selling my house, because I do not have the energy for pretty much anything else. These are the makings of an exciting blog.

I haven't slept through the night since October.

The title of this post isn't an exaggeration. I got knocked up again in September, and I started waking up every night to pee in early October. In fact, for a few solid months now I've been waking up two or three times a night. It is some bullshit. Other than that, the pregnancy has been kind of awesome, but it is pretty grating to never feel like I've gotten enough sleep.

Things are progressing smoothly with the house. Our realtor had an interior designer come over on Saturday to help us stage the house. She had a lot of good suggestions along the lines of "Move that lamp here! Put some houseplants here! Take out that bookcase and shift that one over here! Try centering the kitchen table like this!" It was really interesting and I think it would be kind of awesome to hire an interior designer to come do a consult like that after we're settled in a new house. Some of the suggestions definitely make things look better but make the house slightly less comfortable to live in, like how the lamp that used to be right behind the chair I'm sitting in is now across the room. She wants us to get some accent pillows for our bed, which I think is silly because I am NOT into spending money on pillows that will sit on the floor most of the time, especially since they cost like twenty bucks a goddamn pillow. Did you know that? Throw pillows are fucking expensive! And stupid!

I've got a friend who works for a children's book publisher, and I do some occasional freelance work for them. I just signed on to work on a year-long book project and they want me to come to Pennsylvania for training on Wednesday and Thursday this week. So that should be fun and not at all overwhelming to add an overnight business trip midweek while six and a half months pregnant and putting my house on the market.

Hope y'all had a lovely Easter and the like!

We are doing fine.

Ha, remember when I used to post every day? I like blogging, it's a good way for me to process stuff, but it's just not a main priority anymore. Still love y'all, though.

The baby is doing well except that she has decided that napping at daycare is for suckers, so we're trying to work on some sort of nap routine at home that daycare can implement as well. She fought her nap for an hour and fifteen minutes this morning. Pretty cool. It's hard to commit to a routine on the weekends because it's sort of rare for us to be home for every single one of her naps, so she sometimes naps in her carseat or whatever. But we'll stick to it so maybe she can take more than forty minutes' worth of nap per day.

The pregnancy is progressing well, as far as we can tell. We saw the heartbeat at the ultrasound and I cried like a sissy. The nurse was happy to hear I've been feeling crappy, because that can indicate healthy levels of hormones. I wanted to barf in her office just to show her what's up. I haven't actually been puking, but I often feel like that stage in being drunk where you suddenly realize the last two drinks were probably a mistake - I guess woozy is the best word for it. A little dizzy (FUN), a little nauseated, really tired and thirsty. The tiredness has been pretty overwhelming. I've been going to bed at like 8:30. Andy has been super awesome and taken on lots of things that used to be my responsibility, so I'm very grateful for that.

Daylight savings time is weird. The baby wasn't at all convinced when I tried to explain that she should go back to sleep for another hour. Oh, did I tell you all that she's walking? She is not yet 11 months old. Girl is determined. She also says Mama and Papa well and gets Baby about 75% of the time (25% of the time it sounds like Bobby), and is working hard on "more." 

Hope y'all are doing well, and am eagerly awaiting the second trimester, when I've been told I won't feel quite so dead anymore.

I have developed an eye twitch.

Dudes, I'm pregnant again. Today I'm all of six weeks and one day, which is exactly the age at which the previous pregnancy stopped developing. I've been anxious as hell all day, as you might guess. I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon to make sure things are going okay. The only people we've told are my sister and brother and parents (we haven't seen Andy's side since we found out) and it's killing me, as an extrovert, to not be able to process this all externally, like I always do. It's also been a very different experience physically so far - I haven't gotten sick, but the other night lying in bed I got the spins, as if I was hammered, and it repeated itself any time I turned my head too fast. On and off all day I feel kind of woozy, like that stage in getting drunk where you suddenly realize you won't be driving anywhere any time soon. Very disorienting.

The baby girl has woken up extra early the last few mornings and laid in bed, happily talking to herself, until one of us comes to get her. This is a problem for me, because she's waking up about 45 minutes before I need to be awake, and I can't fall back asleep with her making noise. I can't just turn off the monitor because she does occasionally actually start crying and need reassurance, so I've also been lying there awake, wishing desperately that I was sleeping. The early wake up, plus the getting up in the night to pee, is probably a big factor in the eye twitch.

We had a home visit today, and the worker brought a trainee (a new worker who was shadowing her) so we didn't get the usual chat with a total review of new developments in the case. We DID find out recently that the baby's dad's new girlfriend is expecting, likely twins, and that the baby's mom might be expecting as well. This baby's getting a whole bunch of new siblings coming along here. Oh, in better news, the baby's mom has been sober for a few weeks, which is better than the worker has seen since getting involved in the baby's brother's case four years ago. So that's a cool positive development. No more news on the whatever-it-is in the dad's case.

The last fun new thing in our life is that we got the dogs groomed and poor Rooster got razor burn on his wiener, and then licked it so much he developed a sore. And when we started applying cream and put him in a Cone of Shame, he discovered that he could still reach his butthole, so he gave himself a sore there too. So my week has included repeated application of cream to my dog's wiener and butthole. I sincerely wish that none of you have had to do the same.

It's 8:21, and I'm going to go take a warm bath and go to bed. It's going to be awesome.

Court is irritating.

So today was supposed to be our pretrial conference, wherein the court would hear the evidence the county has about the neglect of our baby.

Instead, what happened was this:

1. The baby's mom told the social worker she was ready to consent to the accusations of neglect. [This is an eventual expected outcome anyway but would just speed up the process - and it's a total shift from where the mom was last time at court.]

2. The mom's smarmy, sleazy, scumbag lawyer showed up and took her aside for some whispering.

3. The mom's lawyer, dad's lawyer (who was there without the dad, who didn't show), the baby's brother's dad's lawyer, and the county attorney got called into the courtroom for a while.

4. The rest of us got to go into the courtroom, where they discussed, in total, the visitation issues the brother's dad and the grandma are having. The only mention of our baby was in regards to the skin condition shit, which is still somehow an issue. Oh, and the baby's law guardian spoke up and said that if the judge was going to allow the brother to have visits with his dad before his dad was treated (as a precautionary measure), she was going to ask the court that the sibling visits be stopped, because there is significant concern about exposing a child this young to the poison so many times, and because this baby also has eczema there's additional concern about it getting into her bloodstream. So that part was nice.

5. THE JUDGE ADJOURNED, ABRUPTLY.

6. I sat there going, "What? Wait, what? What just happened? Where are we going?" I talked to the worker later in the day and she told me that the mom's sleazeball lawyer talked the judge into setting ANOTHER hearing date, next Wednesday, and the mom will probably consent then. Likely reason: scumbag lawyer gets paid for a full day every time he makes a court appearance.

So I took half a day off of work to hear them barely even mention the case we were there to hear. Andy had to park ten blocks away and walk to the courthouse in a downpour and arrived just as the judge was adjourning, so all around we feel really fucking awesome about our court experience today.

Next Wednesday will be interesting - the baby has her six-month checkup that morning and now we have court in the afternoon, so there's another personal day down the tube. Cool.

To end on a positive note: we got a quart of perfect fresh strawberries in our CSA share today and it's lovely watching the rain, which is what I'm going to go do.

Recipe for exhaustion

I have had a pretty draining week.On top of all this, on Friday we went to a bonfire at our friends' house, and yesterday we went to an art show (Andy had a piece in it) and hung out with friends we haven't seen enough of lately so we were out of our house for about ten hours in a row. While these were all awesome things to do and I'm glad we did them, it wasn't exactly the peaceful relaxing do-nothing weekend I was hoping for.

And right now I'm waiting for the baby to wake up from her nap so I can take her to the Urgent Care clinic, because we think she might be reinfected. Again.

I am really bummed about this, not just because it's disgusting and takes several hours of my life to treat, but because this will probably mean she can't visit with the grandma. I know the grandma is really, really trying, so this will be a big blow to her determination. But the fact is, neither Andy nor I are showing any symptoms, and I can assure you that I'm even more careful with treating the baby and her stuff than with our own. The only things the baby does that we don't are daycare, where they are super-careful and no one else has been infected at all, and visits with the grandma and brother.

Also, every visit means the baby is exposed to new germs, so she spends weekends all boogery and stuffy and it sucks. I know the visits are important, but last night she was so congested she kept spitting out her pacifier to breathe, and then fussing until we put it back in. This happened at least a dozen times between 1:30 a.m. and 7:30, when we moved her to our bed and could sort of stick the pacifier back in without actually waking up. This was a much better arrangement and we all snoozed until 10, but it didn't really make up for the hours of broken sleep. (And part of my brain is chiding me that this is our fault, because we were bragging yesterday to friends with a baby the same age that our baby sleeps through the night and has since she was six weeks old. So the universe is paying us back or something.)

Naturally, on top of all this stuff, I'm PMSing and so tired that I kind of want to cry. Coffee ice cream with chocolate sauce is helping a little.