Obligatory holiday post

Merry Christmas, y'all! Hope your day was full of loveliness and delightful surprises.

I have been dealing with some hormones the last few days, so my holidays have been about 93% delightful and 7% feeling overwhemed/crying/did you seriously just say that to me? So that's been pretty cool.

This crying shit is new, by the way. Made it to almost 15 weeks without crying overtaking me (besides relieved tears at the ultrasound), and then twice in the last two days, I seriously felt unable to stop myself from crying. Yesterday, Andy had to work so I had to do all of the last-minute Christmas stuff with the baby, while exhausted, and even when he got out of work he was only home for about half an hour before he had to leave to get ready for music at church. Usually this would have been "less than ideal, but nothing I can't handle!" but the hormones had me convinced it was ALL TOO MUCH and the poor guy walked in to find me wrapping presents and crying. I even was lucid enough to explain that really, I understood that my face was doing ridiculous things and that it was fine and the baby and I would be at church in our fancy clothes and all the last-minute stuff was seconds away from completion, but my face just would not quit with the tears.

Of course everything worked out fine, and we were there in our fanciest clothes, and his drumming and singing were awesome, as always. I actually love that he drums at church for Christmas Eve, since we don't even attend except Christmas and Easter. I think it's sweet, and I love that he has a real reason to drum for a while, since he was in a band when we met and our life right now wouldn't make that a great idea.

Today we had a really awesome slow morning, and the baby had a great time. Her favorite things to play with, in order: the box I used to wrap a belt for for Andy; the gum from Andy's stocking; the fancy-ass handmade wooden train set we got her; a jingling dog toy we've had longer than we've had her.

We spent the early afternoon with my family, and the late afternoon with Andy's. There was some nonsense from Andy's mom and sister, directed at me, that made it pretty clear that I'm still considered an outsider. I know the hormones are making it into a bigger deal than it might otherwise be, but I also know that in the past year I've worked hard at refusing to let people treat me poorly, so I'm trying hard to decide how to deal with this. (This was responsible for today's crying. Andy backs me up when he knows what's going on, but it's not always easy to relate a particular tone of voice or attitude, so it often seems like I'm making a fuss over nothing, I'm sure. He will support me fully in however I decide to handle this, which is very reassuring.)

So! I suppose NewBaby wanted to make itself known for the holidays as well. I've really enjoyed that other 93%, though, and I hope you all had less crying and more eggnog. I've got to work tomorrow so my version of unwinding right now will be some hot chocolate and a Christmas movie. If it weren't for NewBaby, the hot chocolate would have a serious dollop of Bailey's in there.

It's the holiday season!

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but we do some baby sign with our girl, and her two favorite signs are "tree" and "light," so the holiday season is blowing her little mind and making her arms very tired. She signs those to us constantly with absolute delight. Having a kid for the holidays is as awesome as those sappy ABC Family movies tell you it is.

The baby's birthday was this week, and it was pretty great. She was the first baby in the infant room at her daycare all those months ago, so they all adore her and have seen her grow the same way we have. They got her an organic cake to have a little party, which was very sweet and considerate of them. We had our folks over for dinner and presents and she had a blast. We had a doll custom-made to look like her and she LOVES it. (It's this exact doll, actually, so I'm not thrilled about paying extra for customization, or it being called one-of-a-kind, since she's selling a duplicate of the one we designed. Other than that the craftsmanship is incredible and the doll is just what we wanted. It seems the seller calls all her girl dolls "Camille" but we've just been calling it Dolly.)

The day after her birthday the baby had her one-year checkup and she's grown two inches and gained three pounds in three months! Her dad showed up 45 minutes late and the second he walked in she went from playing happily to sobbing. But this baby has some serious moxie, so she toddled past her bio-dad over to Andy, who was sitting next to her dad, climbed up on Andy's lap, and sat there snuggling Andy while glaring at her dad. This kid, you guys.

We're in the middle of a flare-up of the baby's eczema, almost certainly related to the weather getting colder and drier. The stuff we had been using on her, Aveeno's baby eczema stuff, wasn't working well anymore, and since we didn't love that the Aveeno stuff is made with petroleum byproducts anyway (really, Aveeno?), I took advantage of some of my second-trimester energy to make homemade whipped shea butter to use as a lotion for her. (It's super easy to make and really cheap, drop me a line or leave a comment if you want the recipe.) While I was making it, I reflected on how I used to spend significant amounts of my time dying my hair blue and going to punk shows. My life is different than I expected it would be.

I'm thisclose to done with my Christmas shopping. The only people left to buy for are my friends who are coming home from Brooklyn. They're hard to buy for because they have a small New York apartment and we don't know what they use and love in their daily life. My brain is still on pregnancy hiatus so Andy's in charge of thinking of something awesome.

How's your holiday planning going? All done shopping yet, or haven't started?

Three our-family things and three bio-family things

Our family!

1. Today is a lovely warm fall day, so while Andy does yardwork, the little girl and I are going to have an adventure to get the best apple fritters in the world (shout out to Zarpentine's Farm!) and also to get her some long-sleeved onesies, because girl is growing fast.

2. Before we can do that, the girl needs to take a nap. She has been fighting going to sleep for over an hour at this point. She has the funniest ways to keep herself awake, like sticking one arm in the air and banging the other foot repeatedly. I think while we're out we'll stop at Barnes and Noble to try to find a decent short board book about naps - the baby loves Time For Bed and she actually pulls it out at bedtime if we forget to grab it. Whatever we get, I'll get a copy for daycare too, so we can have the same routine in both places. Any nap-book recommendations?

3. My sister and her family are coming home for Thanksgiving instead of Christmas this year, and I am so excited to see them! For what might be the first time since we all left home, we're having a full dinner at my parents' house with both of my siblings and their families. It's going to be lovely. Andy's making sweet potatoes with pecan-marshmallow streusel topping. We actually still don't know what the plan is with Andy's side, except that neither of his sisters can make it and that both of the houses we might end up invited to have residents who smoke indoors. Urk.

The baby's bio-family!

I talked to the worker for a long while on Wednesday and found out the following things:
1. The baby's grandma told the worker on Monday that she feels like the baby is where she needs to be, and that she (the grandma) is not planning to file for custody again. WHAT. This is the exact opposite of what she's been saying all along, so even if she changes her mind tomorrow (totally possible and even likely), it's a huge step. The grandma thinking the baby is fine where she is doesn't have any legal bearing or any impact on where she'll end up, except that it might mean she won't file for custody at the last minute and drag out the whole process.

2. The baby's mom had been doing really well and had been taking care of herself in a way that made it look likely that she was actually trying to improve her life. Well, turns out she had been working so hard because she thought that she might be pregnant, and now that she knows she isn't, she isn't making such awesome choices. This is sad because dang, her life could be so much better than it is, but it also gives me hope that she chose to be pretty healthy for the benefit of the unborn baby.

3. The baby's dad left me a note a few weeks ago in the notebook we send to visits that he had been approved for a three-bedroom place and would be moving soon. I called the worker to let her know and she called the dad and then called me to report that actually, he had been approved for a one-bedroom place IN OUR TOWN, not in the very small town 45 minutes away he kept saying he was planning to move to. Now, our town isn't tiny (it's actually in our state's top ten by population), but we like the idea of the dad being close by because it feels like maybe it'll be more likely that we'll be able to see our girl if she goes to her dad. Also, per the worker on Wednesday, the dad was planning to move into the one-bedroom to try to get custody of our girl but the worker discouraged that because it would mean leaving his other two kids with his mom indefinitely, which, you know, the county doesn't really think is a great plan. So the process to correct the paperwork to try to get a three-bedroom place is annoyingly slow and complicated, which works out great for us because the dad has said all along that he's not planning to file for custody until after he moves. For the first time, I actually feel like I can plan to have the baby here for her birthday (in mid-December) and Christmas.

The worker also told me that she's planning to start the paperwork process for writing the termination of parental rights after the baby's been with us for a year (in January) because it's a lot of stuff to compile. She is always pretty up-front that the baby's case could still end up with her back with bio-family, but she said that as it stands there would still need to be significant improvement for them to agree the baby should be moved. So, in summation, time keeps ticking on this case and no one is making big strides to get her back.

What is the thing you're most excited about making for Thanksgiving? Or, if you've been following this baby's saga, what do you think of these new developments?

Obligatory holiday post

Morning! I hope you are all having the best possible Christmas. We had a pretty awesome morning - I had a delicious almond latte, thanks to the milk frother my friend in Brooklyn got me, and I could have put it in my badass, super-tough new Thermos travel mug from my sister and her husband, and I'm wearing a new cozy flannel shirt from Andy, who took the time to find one that would actually button over my boobs without gaping everywhere. So, yeah, definitely feeling the love.

Two more awesomes: I got a scratch-off ticket in my stocking and won $40, and also Andy special-ordered me a rubber stamp that reads BULLSHIT, and also a bright red stamp pad, so I can properly label everything at work now.

We're heading to my folks' in a few. I sincerely wish you all the merriest of holidays, and I hope you are feeling loved too.

Merry Christmas!

Holiday spirit!

I'm already home for my Christmas long weekend! I usually don't get out of work until 4 at the earliest, but here's an awesome thing: at our work Christmas party, my work-best-friend won a game and got herself four extra hours of vacation time for this week. She knew my sister and Brian and the best baby in the world were coming into town (they arrived last night), so she asked my boss in secret if she could split it with me. Boss said yes, so work-best-friend and I both got two extra hours of vacation time, and I get to be home early!

I made Yuletide nipples yesterday, and I think I'll try to fit in a batch of m&m cookies this afternoon before we head to family dinner at my parents' house. My grandparents are in town for Christmas, which should certainly keep things from being boring.

I hope you all are having the best holiday season EVER.

Doing all the things!

So Andy got free tickets to today's Bills/Dolphins game through work. There are so many awesome things about this:
1. He's never been to a pro football game, but has always wanted to go.
2. The tickets were free.
3. He's a huge Miami fan (but not in such a way that he is an asshole all night if they lose, which was high on the list of attributes that made him marriage-worthy).
4. The first person he thought to ask was my brother, who is a Bills fan. I thought that was sweet.
5. Normally I'd be bummed at spending a full weekend day without Andy (seriously, we just like hanging out), but he's already getting tired of Christmas moves so it's okay that I get full control of the tv all day.

I also have a million-and-one things to get done today, many of which are secret and Andy-related. On the top of that list: I knit him this sweater two Christmases ago. It was my first sweater ever, and I didn't take into account that the pattern doesn't include any ribbing to keep the hem from rolling. Which it does. Enthusiastically. So Andy never wears the sweater, because it ends up sitting just about level with the top of his pants. So today, I'm picking up a bunch of stitches around the edge, and knitting several inches of ribbing. This is the one thing I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to find time to do before Christmas, because when would I have a chunk of several hours without Andy? And then the gods of football smiled upon us, and his sweater will be done today.

After the knitting, I'll be wrapping all of his presents, so he's allowed to go in the library again. Then it's back to knitting, so maybe my mom's sweater will be done by Christmas!

Are you done with Christmas shopping yet?

Maintaining

After work today, I had to stop at the grocery store to figure out something for dinner (note, please, that the "figure out" part of the equation hadn't happened, because I had absolutely no idea what to do for dinner, and Andy's working late). I heard a commercial for the annual production of A Christmas Carol at our local theater, and instead of thinking, "I should see how much tickets are! I've always wanted to go see that," I found myself thinking, "Damn, who has time to see a three-hour play between now and Christmas?!" That's when I realized I was somewhat overwhelmed with my holiday season.

We do have a lot going on. I just got back from four days out of town. We are watching my parents' pets while they're out of town, starting tomorrow and lasting through Sunday. I have to knit one-and-one-quarter hats and half a sweater in twelve days. We have invitations to several holiday parties this weekend. I haven't even thought about sending out cards. My sister and her husband are coming into town on the 22nd (RIGHT, KID?) and staying with us. And on top of all of that, we're giving unconventional Christmas presents - baskets of our homemade preserves and jams and jellies and stuff - which were a fuckton of work and cost probably slightly more per person than the usual gifts we exchange, but I worry that we're going to look like cheap weirdos or something, so I'm stressing about making sure they're JUST RIGHT - like, compiling a list of recipes and ways to use the stuff in each fucking jar - before I can relax about it.

So I got to the grocery store, and instead of figuring out a real meal, I got makings to make myself a kick-ass cheese plate. And I stopped next door at the liquor store and got a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. And I made myself a super fancy, carefully presented cheese plate, which I ate at the kitchen table with a real napkin while I read the L.L. Bean holiday catalog. Because I needed to settle the fuck down.

I think it helped. I feel a little better, and I only had one glass of wine.

Feeling festive!

It's December 1, which in our house is Christmas Decorations Day! I just finished setting up the tree. This is by far the biggest pain involved in decorating our house for Christmas, as we have my parents' twenty-year-old seven-foot monstrosity. I like to get it set up before Andy gets home so we can start in on lights and ornaments while we watch a Christmas movie. This year it's Elf, which has just given me yet another reason to love it: if you leave the menu up without selecting anything, THE MUSIC STOPS PLAYING after one loop! This is so great!

I have a big pot of chili on the stove ready to go, and I'm going to put up the garland and lights we loop over the weird bannister thing we have.

The one thing I am still working on for this year is a good pine-scented candle. Last year I just got one at Wal-Mart, and it was fine but not spectacular. I think I'm going to try one of the Balsam Fir ones from Bath and Body Works, as I've been assured it smells just like an actual pine tree instead of like gross chemicals.

What holiday set-up traditions do you have? 

How was your Christmas?

Bizarre image via

 I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm not a teacher anymore, which means I have to work during the week between Christmas and New Year's. It sucks. But I aim to have an awesome day today to squeeze in as much vacation as I can!

We had a great Christmas yesterday. There was one incident when Andy's sister's dog misinterpreted "shake" to mean "rear up on your hind legs and scratch me on the face," and we didn't start opening presents until ten p.m. at his folks' house, but other than that things were pretty smooth and calm.

Weirdest present I received: the Jell-o recipe book pictured above. I don't like Jell-o, pretty much at all, so that's fun.

Christmas-related anecdote: When I was a kid, I was sure that the word 'certain' could sometimes be used as a verb. This knowledge was based on the Christmas Carol "The First Noel," in which the angels sang the first noel to "certain poor shepherds." To nine-year-old me, this meant they sang it to the shepherds to reassure them and tell them that Jesus was coming - you know, to certain them.

How was your Christmas? Do you have to work tomorrow too?

Almost Christmas!

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Yes! I have the day off, and I'm starting it with Italian cookies and some Earl Grey tea while my hair is being dyed (it was black a few months ago, but my roots are pretty crazy, so I'm dying it brown. We'll see what happens). I have three more presents to wrap, and then I'm done!

Today we're hanging out at home all morning (Andy's going to make his famous scrambled eggs), then going to Mass at 4, then a lovely party at my friend Stevie's parents' house. Stevie's mom hand-spins yarn, and I never leave the house without her handing me a whole bunch of lovely handspun, and Stevie's dad makes an amazing lobster bisque. It's a great time.

I hope you're having a lovely day! Watch this video and let it add to your enjoyment of the season:

This is me when I'm in my fifties and living in Boca Raton.

On having houseguests

The pine paneling is right, but the rest of the room is nowhere near this nice.

My sister (who will henceforth be referred to as the Kid, as that's what I call her) and her husband, dog, and tortoise are staying with us for approximately two weeks. We have only ever really had overnight guests before (and none of them were reptiles), so this will be an interesting experience for all involved.

As soon as we knew they were coming, we started making plans. Where would they stay? What would they do while we were at work all day? What about their dog, who is a master at finding and eating food that you were certain was safely out of reach?

Not only that, but I wanted to be a gracious hostess. I wanted the Kid and Brian to feel comfortable and welcome. How to make all this happen? Here are some tips I've found helpful: some from a surprisingly-not-terrible Yahoo Shine article, some from the Guru herself, and some just common sense.

• Think about what your guest might need. The Kid and Brian are in the middle of a cross-country move with three months' worth of possessions, so we rearranged the guest room to include some additional shelving so they wouldn't have to leave all their stuff in the living room or their car.
• Be clear about expectations. Is the default prospect that they will or won't be joining us for dinner? Do we feed their dog if they aren't home in the evening? Will they be here Christmas morning? Will they be having friends over?
• ...But don't try to make them commit to a rigid schedule because it makes you more comfortable. Our guests are home to visit all the family in the area, and it was a surprise to everyone but me and Andy. They don't have the whole visit mapped out. Build in some flexibility.
• Be accommodating without driving yourself crazy. Originally Andy and I had planned to switch to using the downstairs bathroom so our guests could have the one closer to their bedroom, but this would mean a hassle for us every morning. Instead we're all sharing the upstairs bathroom and their tortoise is living in the downstairs bathtub.
• Similarly, those guys are used to California temperatures, so our house (at 65 degrees) feels REALLY FUCKING COLD to them. Well, we have lots of blankets around, offered them the use of sweaters and slippers, and encouraged them to use a space-heater in their bedroom, rather than pay the upcharge in heating the house to 72 all the time.
• Make it easy for them. Make sure they know where to find garbage cans, extra toilet paper, Q-tips, the plunger, toothpaste, and so on. What might they need while they're staying? Either keep it out in plain sight, label the cupboard it's in, or include an "instruction manual" on the nightstand with that info.
• Be sure to set boundaries. This one, to me, is the most situation-specific. We trust my sister and Brian to make sure their dog isn't acting a fool. However, we've had other guests with pets who shit on the carpet after we reminded the guest about keeping an eye on said pet. That pet is no longer welcome to stay with us, because the owner doesn't respect that boundary.
• Make sure you're having a good time too. You can be gracious without being a servant, and be fun without exhausting your guests.

What tips do you have when hosting? Have you ever had guests for two weeks?

Taking advantage of the quiet

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My sister and brother-in-law are off surprising his family for the evening, so I'm at home, watching The Santa Clause and starting my Christmas cards. Our dogs (Andy and I have one, and Nikki and Brian have one) are hanging out seeing who can be the first to lose a tooth by chomping too hard on a bone. It's a cozy little picture. I think it's funny to send out weird, sentimental, sappy cards that would be appropriate coming from your maiden aunt, so this year I scored a giant box of weird ones from Dollar General. I pretty much write all the cards, because Andy doesn't care even a little if we don't send them. I think it's fair that if I care if we send them, I get to do the work.

As soon as Andy gets home I'm going to have some Italian lemon cookies for dessert. That's the same general idea pictured above, but putting sprinkles on them is some bullshit for sure and we always tinted our frosting red and green. Man, are they good. We've had these every single year since I was a kid, despite being 0% Italian on either side, and I nicked a whole bunch when we were at my mom's house last night. They are especially good with a cup of tea. Do yourself a favor and try that recipe. And don't put any sprinkles on.

What's your favorite childhood Christmas cookie? What's a lovely more recent find?

On holiday shopping

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How do you handle holiday shopping? I've already talked about the great deals I got yesterday, but I wonder how other people go about giving and getting gifts.

What do you do about getting gifts you don't like? Do you keep them, in case the giver ever asks about them? Or do you regift unabashedly? I have gotten some doozies of weird gifts - like last year's kitty stationary (I'm SO not a cat person), or the jello-for-every-holiday cookbook I know I'm getting this year - that just begged to be regifted.

I'm trying a new thing this year: asking specifically for particular items. It's a little weird at first, and it will mean fewer surprises on Christmas morning, but I think perhaps it's worth it if I end up getting presents I won't either donate or be confused about.

For the record, the kitty stationary was a top gift at last year's white elephant gift exchange. And the jello book is looking like a strong contender for this year!