Wednesday, March 16, 2011

On that fucking douchebag Charlie Sheen

ABUSER
I really want the media to stop covering this bullshit. Charlie Sheen is the highest paid actor in television, and he has been arrested for beating a woman, pled no contest, and paid a fucking fine. And now everyone is talking about how he's WINNING and has TIGER BLOOD and I know all this despite avoiding information on him, is how much they're pushing it.

Domestic violence is an issue close to my heart, so read this article from the NYT and please, please stop buying magazines and watching news specials about him. And for the love of God, stop watching his terrible show that's really just bragging about his life choices, but without the part where two of his ex-wives have restraining orders against him and he seems to think that violence is an acceptable part of a relationship.

What do you think about the constant coverage of this train wreck? What about how they gloss over his repeated domestic violence charges?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

On tattoos

Heraldic crest with labels via
So I'm starting to work in earnest on planning my next tattoo. I'm designing my own heraldic device, often incorrectly referred to as a coat of arms. Heraldic symbols are pretty fascinating, and I have a lot of work to do before I'll be satisfied with the design. Technically, as I don't belong to an arms-bearing family, I have no right to a crest, at least according to the British government, but as I'm an American and as I don't give a shit, I'm going to go ahead with the idea.

Did you know that there's really no such thing as a "family" crest or coat of arms? Sorry to break it to you, but each design was specific to a particular person - they were originally used as a means to immediately identify someone, so it would be kind of dumb to have a dad and all three of his sons on a battlefield with the same design. A typical way to work it was for a coat of arms to stay mostly the same for the first son, but have a minor change, like color, to differentiate. A child might have the coat of his father and his mother smashed together into a new design. There were all sorts of ways to personalize a crest. But if you've got a keychain with the ancient Whatever Family Crest, you really lay no more claim to it than any stranger.

I've been checking books out of the library like crazy on the subject of heraldry and arms. It's so interesting! Some of the choices, like which helmet you have over the shield, is very meaningful and each choice signifies something different. Some of the choices, like what kind of mantling you have behind and around the whole shebang, means nothing in particular and you can pick whatever you feel like. There are all sorts of websites that will tell you what your choice of charge or color signifies, but that's all certified bullshit because there is no accepted meaning for the very vast majority of that stuff, so even if there was you could be like, "No, mine means this," and no one could contradict you. It's crazy.

So I'm trying to decide what to do with the final product. I know where I want it, and I know that I want to commission the tattoo artist to make me a few copies of the design, in color, so I can get myself some stationery and/or a blazer bearing the design, but I don't know what I want to do about the internets.

Tattoos are just such a personal thing, and it would kill me if someone happened upon a picture of my tattoo and was like, "Bingo! I'm getting that!" I mean, once you put a picture out there, on Facebook or a blog or wherever, it's a battle to maintain control, right? And I know that I'll be thrilled with the final result, but I don't know that I want other people to have the option of stealing my awesome.

What say you, Internets? Do you have pictures of your art or tattoos or whatever online? Any bad experiences? Any AWESOME experiences?

Monday, March 14, 2011

On the needles

Duck feet pattern via
When we were kids, we used to play a game we called "duck feet," wherein we'd take the yellow dishwashing gloves that were kept under the sink and stick our feet in them and clomp around the house quacking. I did not realize until recently that no one else I've ever met has played this game, and people seem to think I'm a little weird. I am pretty sure my mom just let us so she could have five minutes to get some shit done, or whatever.

In an effort to keep my sister's kid from having the same weird kind of childhood, I'm knitting the child some proper duck feet.

But that's not for a little while yet. A good friend who lives around the corner is due with her second kid in mid-April, so I've just started a blanket for that one. Problem is, I freaking hate the yarn and it's so fuzzy it's obscuring the pattern (which I used in a blanket both for the parents and for the big brother, so I'm hoping to stick with it). Ugh.

I also have a simple striped blanket for the Kid's baby started, but not finished. And last week I bought five balls of a cotton-silk blend yarn in a dusty pink that will become a little sundress. I'm excited about this.

Except that the baby shower for the friend due in April, I've just discovered, is this Saturday. Oops. And the kid's shower is a month from tomorrow. Perhaps I've bitten off more than I can knit, if you'll excuse the mixed metaphor.

What are you all working on? Any knitters out there?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Bonus post: party and puppy!

A bonus post, in two parts.

Part 1. Party update.
The local branch of the Emerald Society rents a party room at a hotel right where the annual St. Patrick's Day parade ends. For $15, you get all the beer you want - Guinness, Smithwicks (my choice), or Coors or some other cheap shit if you're an idiot - plus water, soda, pizza, live music, and occasional raffles. And since you're partying with cops and firefighters, everything is totally safe and you can leave your coat on a chair and go get another beer! And if you're single, it wouldn't be a bad place to meet good-looking men in uniform who know how to have a good time.

Last year, I won a raffle under an assumed name. It was towards the end of the party, when I was, like, nine beers deep, and it was a raffle for a gift certificate for a tattoo shop. They called the name Chris Baldwin, and no one said anything. So they called the name again, and I started whooping and hollering and ran up to claim "my" prize. The girl in charge of handing stuff to winners gave me a truly dirty look and demanded to know my name. "Chris Baldwin!" I hollered. She stared, clearly disbelieving. "Christine Baldwin," I added, returning her filthy look. No one asked for identification of any kind. I got the certificate, and spent the next two hours introducing myself as Chris Baldwin. Interestingly, I haven't used the certificate yet, because the shop had just opened and I was a little hesitant to get a tattoo without seeing a portfolio. Now that a year has passed, I guess it's about time, huh?

So yesterday's party was good too. I didn't win any raffles by lying, and I drank a lot less than I did last year, but we still had an awesome time dancing like idiots and drinking and yelling and stuff. The pipe-and-drum corps from the parade go through the party rooms and perform for beers and cheering, which is amazing. Have you ever stood directly next to an enthusiastic drummer? It's loud. One of the friends we were with had to work yesterday evening, so we left when she did (they had run out of Smithwicks, so why stay?) and headed home in time to watch Cops and go to bed early. Now that's exciting living.

Part 2. Dog update.

Pancakes is settling in nicely. So far, we know the following things:
  • She was fed people food.
  • She slept in a people bed.
  • She was raised by a lady or an effeminate man.
  • She was not well trained.
To elaborate:
She will not be fed people food at our house, and she's adjusting pretty well to that idea. She's stopped trying to climb us to get to whatever food we're holding, and only begs for a second before giving up and sitting quietly. To reinforce the whole hierarchy thing, we eat before we feed the dogs, and she seems to get that.

She also won't be sleeping in our bed, which is still a bit of a challenge for her. The first night, she woke us up twice whining, and when Andy opened the crate door to let the dogs out in the morning, she was across the room and curled up under my arm on the bed in under a second, no joke. She has learned the command "off," which in our house means, "Whatever your paws are on, remove them at once," so if she's jumping on someone, she has to get down, and if she's on the couch and shouldn't be, she gets off, and if she's on the bed, she suddenly forgets what "off" means. It's a work in progress, is what I'm saying.

She's a little bit afraid of Andy. Again, already loads better, but so far she's made it pretty clear that she's my dog, not his. She follows me around, hopping on her back legs half of the time to see whatever I'm doing, and would much rather be near me than Andy. When Andy is downstairs eating breakfast and getting ready for work, she sits outside the bathroom door waiting for me to be done with my shower. We're working on creating more comfort between them by having Andy feed her and let her outside, which is going pretty well so far.

Being poorly trained is actually not a huge surprise. For some reason, many people don't bother to train their small dogs, possibly because it's so easy just to scoop them up and make them do whatever you tell them. But really, this is a disservice to both the owner and the dog, so we're working on commands already. Pancakes is clearly a smart dog, so she needs to have some of her loads of energy channeled into training. Like I said, she's already learning "off" pretty well, and she's doing okay with "come." "Come" is actually an incredibly important one for us to teach her, and for her to know she absolutely must come to me when I tell her to, because she's about half Jack Russell terrier, and they are notorious for darting out any open door and running off. We live on a busy enough street that it's not safe for her to get out and take off, so she will not be outside without her harness and leash until we know that she will immediately do as she's told. She does seem to think that "come" is some sort of game, because she'll come close and then dart away as soon as I praise her. So, lots more work to be done there!

She rolled in shit the other night, which was absolutely disgusting. I know that's a thing that dogs do, but Rooster never has, so it was a surprise. So we got to learn that while Pancakes doesn't love them, she behaves okay in the bath. And we learned that my stomach is not as strong as we might hope, because I came pretty close to puking.

She and Rooster are still working out who's going to be top dog. It's funny to see, because Rooster is always such a sissy! But now he butts in front of her to be petted and fed first and to sit closer to me or Andy, and she's been letting him. We'll be keeping an eye out to see if this becomes status quo, or if she stages a COUP!

What are your St. Patrick's Day traditions? Any questions about Pancakes that I didn't answer?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

When it's time to party, we will party hard.

You guys, today's my city's St. Patrick's Day parade and all the attendant festivities. We are dropping the dogs with my parents, then partying. All day. We know of a really good party with $15 all-you-can-drink good beer - Smithwick's and Guiness!

If I'm alive, I promise a post tomorrow to make up for my especially shitty blogging for the last few days, with a review of both Pancakes' first few days and a review of the party scene.

Wish me luck!

Friday, March 11, 2011

What's that? Blogging?

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday, dudes. I worked ten hours, then went home and picked up some dogs, then went to my folks' for dinner and all. Today's post is going to kind of suck, too, because I'm being romped on by a puppy right now.

Pancakes is settling in nicely, mostly. She has a fuckton of energy, which means it's hard to get her to concentrate on anything long enough to start reinforcing good behavior. She does know the command "off" already, which is awesome because she likes to jump. A lot.

I'm off to start trying to teach her to sit. And when that inevitably fails, I'm off to look up obedience class information.

Any awesome tricks for high-energy dogs? Rooster was so lazy compared to this girl!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Pancakes.

We got the girl dog. Her name is Pancakes. My computer isn't letting me load a picture, but she's cute.

So far, we know that she was given people food (she is quite the little beggar, but we hope to break her of it soon!) and that she is interested in getting Rooster to play.

We got her a crate and a bed and a toy fox. We still have to get her a collar and leash (the small family-run store didn't have any the right size for her teeny neck) and then we will all live happily ever after.

Off to watch her tear-ass around the living room!