On marriage

Picture of me and Andy in forty years via

Do you all fight with your significant others? Andy and I have had two real, actual fights that I can think of. The first was right before the wedding, about how much I had spent on his wedding present - he told me it was too much, and I got it anyway, and he got mad, and it hurt my feelings because I felt he was important enough for any amount of money and so on. The second was last summer, and involved me having way more than my fair share of champagne at a wedding, and then not picking up on his attempts to change the subject when I was talking to Andy's less-than-empathetic father about a touchy family issue.

Mostly, we talk things out. We're both middle children who tend to be the peacekeepers in our own families, so we start potentially dangerous conversations with sentences like, "This isn't really a big deal, but could you..." or "I'm not trying to start an argument, but...". We also both play a game I call "Assumption of Positive Intent," wherein we try to pretend that the irritating or problematic thing is NOT deliberately crafted to drive us crazy. For example, the other day Andy left little whiskers all over the bathroom sink after he shaved, which I think is gross. But I reminded myself that if he had stopped to clean it up, it would have been fruitless because that's the bathroom we're in the middle of spackling and painting so it's a giant mess now anyway, and we would have been late. So I let it go.

I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately because one of my best friends is in the beginning stages of divorce. A lot of the problems she and her husband have had over the years come down to communication, which was never really a strength of theirs. It makes me wonder if Andy and I tend to communicate in the same ways, or if we've adapted to each other over the last eight years. I've also been wondering if hearing about my marriage is hard for her - it's not like I'm bragging to her, but she knows how happy we are together and stuff.

What are your marriage secrets? Anyone want to chime in on how to support a divorcing bff?

Obligatory Holiday Post

Dang, this wreath is cute. Too bad I'd have to take down the Christmas wreath that's still up to hang it.

How are y'all handling this lovely Valentine's Day? [Note: I say y'all an awful lot for someone who was raised in upstate NY.] We don't typically do too much - like no flower deliveries or surprise jewelry or whatever - and I'd actually be pissed if we agreed to not get each other gifts and Andy did anyways, because that's not fair.

Tonight we're having lobster (it was on sale, and they're waiting in the fridge for me to murder them. Not sure how to feel about this. I've only been eating meat again for like a year, and I've never had a chance to meet my dinner before.) with lovely Kerrygold Irish butter and baked potatoes and broccoli, and watching a movie on the couch with our fluffy mutt of a dog and snuggling. Andy gave me my "present" early: we went to bed at 9:30 last night. I do not mean any innuendo by that. He knows that sleeping is in my top three favorite activities, so we turned off the tv, headed upstairs, and were snuggled up falling asleep by 9:45. Who says romance isn't dead?

Hope you're having a lovely day!

Lovely lazy day

...for me, at least. Andy's upstairs spackling, but I'm on the couch with a library book, the newest issue of Glamour (what? Fashion is awesome.), and awesome Saturday programming on PBS. So far, I've watched Ask This Old House, The New Yankee Workshop, Ciao Italia, and Lidia's Italian Kitchen. I think The Victory Garden is up next.

It's snowing outside - sometimes just a dusting and almost sunny, sometimes huge gusts of wind and heavy, thick snow. But I've got a thick sweater and a hand-knitted blanket (the first I ever made! I made it for Andy as a Christmas present when we were dating. He told me he had no idea I could do anything that complicated.) and a snuggly dog who needs a haircut.

Later, we're going to eat leftover pizza and watch Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Wonder if it matters that I've never seen the first one? And I'm planning to get through a lot more of my current knitting project so I can wear it at least once before it's too warm outside!

What awesome weekend plans are you working on? Anyone want to share budget-V-Day ideas?

Three quick things.

1. It's no secret that I'm a knitter, so occasionally people think of me when they have extra yarn. This week at work, one of my coworkers brought me a giant shopping bag full of yarn of all colors, mostly in full skeins, that she found in her house! The problem is, I'm kind of a snot about the yarn I like using, and the bag's full of acrylic stuff that I wouldn't have picked out for myself. So I thanked her graciously and told her I'd share the wealth. I'm going to offer it to my mom to see if her youth group could use it for anything, and if they don't want it, I'll donate it to a local women's shelter. The residents at the shelter I worked at really liked having something to keep their hands busy. Wasn't that nice of my coworker to think of me, though?

2. The upstairs bathroom is coming along pretty well. Tonight there will be spackling and sanding, repeatedly in thin coats, so that next weekend we can tackle the painting! You better believe I will be spending some time this weekend at Lowe's, finalizing paint colors and daydreaming about fixtures.

3. I'm almost done with The Hunger Games trilogy, and I almost forgot how much I really like young adult fiction. Any recommendations for a new series when I finish this one? (PLEASE?)

On February being blah

Picture via

February is not my favorite month. Really, all it has going for it is that it's short, and that when you're a student (or a teacher!) you get a week off in the state I live in. But even that is a mixed blessing: traditionally, February break is held on what's typically the coldest week of the year, to save the state and districts the costs of heating the school during that time. No joke.

February in upstate New York tends to swing back and forth between the mid-30s and the lower teens. Yesterday it was 36°; today it's 16°. So it thaws, resulting in massive amounts of disgusting slush (my least favorite part of winter), then the slush freezes solid and slippery and makes walking anywhere dangerous. And heaters are still running full blast, so my skin is all tight and itchy and in desperate need of more attention than my three-minute-long, scalding hot shower every morning. 


Usually, Valentine's Day means at least one fancy night hanging out with Andy, but we just bought a car, so our entertainment budget is a lot closer to $0.00 than $FANCY DINNER. And it's so freaking cold here that I don't particularly want to get gussied up to spend my evening at McDonald's and the dollar theater. I know we can cook a nice meal for ourselves and watch a movie at home, but then how is it different from, say, any given Tuesday around here?


So I'm looking for some pick-me-ups. I'm thinking maybe some fancy new homemade bath products or a new accessory or even just some lovely pictures to daydream over, instead of eating leftovers and sitting in my cold house.


What do you do to perk yourself up in February? Suggest anything! (Please, for the love of Pete, suggest something.)

Big plans for the evening

I don't have the Kindle edition but was too lazy to grab a better picture.

Have you all read this series yet? My coworker brought me the whole trilogy this morning, and I was on page 113 by the time I left work. I spent both of my fifteen-minute breaks and my lunch reading (devouring? Because it was my lunch break?) this thing.

I get it, everyone. It reminds me of Gathering Blue, which is high praise for a young adult novel. If you haven't read it yet, go get a copy and then we can have a book club about it.

Sorry to everyone who doesn't give a shit about this, because I'm not posting anything remotely interesting. In fact, I'm ending here so I can go read more before dinner.

Possible names for my band

When they eventually discover a cure for being almost-tone-deaf, I'll be ready. Here's a list of names for the band I'll start when I can identify a note. Most of these are phrases pulled from everyday conversations in my day-to-day life.

• Mike's Surprise Illegitimate Love Child
• Stick It to the Peanut Butter Man
• Bloodbeard
• Megatron Says Yes
• You Can't Make Me Be the Warthog [or maybe just Be the Warthog]
• Those Genies Are into Some Freaky Shit
• Downsy Russian
• Slow Seepage 
• Shadows and Screams
• The Bacon Situation
• The Matt B. Dynamic
• The Jelly Bitches

Obviously, most of these are best suited for punk bands. If you want to use any of them, contact me. They're all up for grabs. Except maybe The Jelly Bitches. That one just has a nice ring to it. Oh, and the Kid calls dibs on Megatron Says Yes. Sorry.

Do you have a list of possible band names at the ready? Share your ideas! (I keep my list as a memo in my phone, and add to it pretty often. I suggest you do the same.)