I've been in my new position at work for almost a month now, and I had my first monthly review meeting with my boss today. She said she's gotten good reports from the trainer and I'm doing really well. Yay! I even asked if she had any concerns or things I needed to work on and she said she didn't. So that's cool. It's nice to hear that I'm doing well.
Andy's been on a business trip since early Wednesday morning, so I have gained even more respect for single moms - and I already thought they were incredible, so that's saying something. The baby has a cold and wants her pacifier in all the time but frequently spits it out with coughing, so I got up seven times between 1:00 and 2:30 in the morning to put it back in for her. That sucked. It's been weird having to take care of every single thing that needed doing around here - dogs and baby and self and food and not destroying the home. He gets back in very late tonight and I can't wait to see him.
I think in the morning we'll go to the farmer's market to get fresh local strawberries and asparagus (hooray! things are growing!) and see if we can find something decent for our moms for Mother's Day, because I totally forgot that was this weekend. Oops.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
An even briefer baby update
So the baby's mom didn't show for a visit on Tuesday. The worker talked to her yesterday and told the mom she could have her visit today (the mom used to have two scheduled visits a week, but that hasn't happened since February).
The mom didn't show again today.
The worker talked to her this morning and the mom said she was coming. It makes me really sad for the mom that she's in such a bad place that she can't get herself to a visit with a baby she has seen once in two and a half months. She also told the worker today that she wants to move into a halfway house, but if she can't follow through with a visit, I have my doubts that she'll be able to make it happen.
Because the baby is so young and the mom has missed two visits in a row, the worker will now require her to either be at the visitation center before they pick the baby up from daycare, or to call that morning to confirm she's coming. I don't know which would be better - the phone call is easier for scheduling (so I don't have to wait until the last minute to hear if she showed and call daycare to let them know), but she told the worker she was coming to both of the last two, so even if she says she's coming we can't believe her.
Oh, and the grandma canceled her visit for tomorrow because of a scheduling thing that could have probably been worked out pretty easily. So that's interesting.
The mom didn't show again today.
The worker talked to her this morning and the mom said she was coming. It makes me really sad for the mom that she's in such a bad place that she can't get herself to a visit with a baby she has seen once in two and a half months. She also told the worker today that she wants to move into a halfway house, but if she can't follow through with a visit, I have my doubts that she'll be able to make it happen.
Because the baby is so young and the mom has missed two visits in a row, the worker will now require her to either be at the visitation center before they pick the baby up from daycare, or to call that morning to confirm she's coming. I don't know which would be better - the phone call is easier for scheduling (so I don't have to wait until the last minute to hear if she showed and call daycare to let them know), but she told the worker she was coming to both of the last two, so even if she says she's coming we can't believe her.
Oh, and the grandma canceled her visit for tomorrow because of a scheduling thing that could have probably been worked out pretty easily. So that's interesting.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
A brief baby update
The mom didn't show for her visit today.
The worker talked to her yesterday, reminded her what she needed to bring, and they ended the conversation with, "See you tomorrow." She knew about the visit and what time it was and everything. She just didn't show. And the worker says her phone is off (but she is following someone new on Facebook since this morning, so hmmmm) so she didn't call to cancel or anything. The baby got to sit and hang out with the worker for an hour.
The worker also said that the grandma told her that the mom says she doesn't want the grandma to get custody anymore, because she (the mom) wants to get the baby back herself. She told the grandma that last week, then didn't show for a visit today. Huh. (And yeah, the first sentence of this paragraph is really convoluted. The case is like that.)
The mom could absolutely tell the court that she doesn't want the grandma to get custody, but I actually think that would be worse for my anxiety because she could change her mind at any point and start the whole process with the grandma over again.
So, you know, nothing changes and I manage to worry about everything all the time.
The worker talked to her yesterday, reminded her what she needed to bring, and they ended the conversation with, "See you tomorrow." She knew about the visit and what time it was and everything. She just didn't show. And the worker says her phone is off (but she is following someone new on Facebook since this morning, so hmmmm) so she didn't call to cancel or anything. The baby got to sit and hang out with the worker for an hour.
The worker also said that the grandma told her that the mom says she doesn't want the grandma to get custody anymore, because she (the mom) wants to get the baby back herself. She told the grandma that last week, then didn't show for a visit today. Huh. (And yeah, the first sentence of this paragraph is really convoluted. The case is like that.)
The mom could absolutely tell the court that she doesn't want the grandma to get custody, but I actually think that would be worse for my anxiety because she could change her mind at any point and start the whole process with the grandma over again.
So, you know, nothing changes and I manage to worry about everything all the time.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Off-routine
We got back into town yesterday evening from being out of state for three days for my great-aunt's funeral. The baby did incredibly well, all things considered, and slept about 90% of the time we were in the car (eight hours each way) and still slept through the night, so the few minor freak-outs are totally fine by me.
She did well with the bizillion people she met this weekend. (For background, my mom is one of 23 first cousins, and I'm one of 114 descendants from my grandmother and her four siblings.) The baby did well with people wanting to be all up in her five-month-old face and grinned adorably pretty much on cue. She even let a few people hold her for more than two minutes, which is awesome. Every once in a while she'd get overwhelmed and need some extra love, but really, the trip was pretty smooth. The funeral was lovely, as these things go, and the one time I came close to really losing it (during Amazing Grace, natch) the baby grinned up at me and farted quietly, which made me laugh instead of sob and which I'm certain my great-aunt would have appreciated. And events with that side of the family are a lot like family reunions and it was very nice to see some people I haven't seen in a while and love dearly.
So we got in around 8 last night and did our best to get back into routine right away, but this morning, for the first time ever, she freaked out at daycare and they had to call me to see what they should do or if I should come get her since she had been crying FOR AN HOUR. I told them to call me sooner next time and to try swaddling her, which worked in about four minutes. The poor thing. I'm pretty sure she's just trying to get back on track and needed some extra love in the form of a nice tight blanket. She was fine after she woke up from her nap and is grinning gummily at a dog right now.
The baby has a visit scheduled with her mom tomorrow. The worker is meeting the mom before the visit to go through the letter from the dermatologist and do her best to ascertain whether or not the mom has completed everything she needs to do. The worker is pretty no-nonsense about these things and the mom's not a great liar, so I'm not-so-secretly hoping the worker doesn't let her have the visit. If she does have the visit and the baby gets infected AGAIN, it looks really bad for the mom in court, so hopefully the worker can get that through to her.
What did I miss on the internets while I was gone?
She did well with the bizillion people she met this weekend. (For background, my mom is one of 23 first cousins, and I'm one of 114 descendants from my grandmother and her four siblings.) The baby did well with people wanting to be all up in her five-month-old face and grinned adorably pretty much on cue. She even let a few people hold her for more than two minutes, which is awesome. Every once in a while she'd get overwhelmed and need some extra love, but really, the trip was pretty smooth. The funeral was lovely, as these things go, and the one time I came close to really losing it (during Amazing Grace, natch) the baby grinned up at me and farted quietly, which made me laugh instead of sob and which I'm certain my great-aunt would have appreciated. And events with that side of the family are a lot like family reunions and it was very nice to see some people I haven't seen in a while and love dearly.
So we got in around 8 last night and did our best to get back into routine right away, but this morning, for the first time ever, she freaked out at daycare and they had to call me to see what they should do or if I should come get her since she had been crying FOR AN HOUR. I told them to call me sooner next time and to try swaddling her, which worked in about four minutes. The poor thing. I'm pretty sure she's just trying to get back on track and needed some extra love in the form of a nice tight blanket. She was fine after she woke up from her nap and is grinning gummily at a dog right now.
The baby has a visit scheduled with her mom tomorrow. The worker is meeting the mom before the visit to go through the letter from the dermatologist and do her best to ascertain whether or not the mom has completed everything she needs to do. The worker is pretty no-nonsense about these things and the mom's not a great liar, so I'm not-so-secretly hoping the worker doesn't let her have the visit. If she does have the visit and the baby gets infected AGAIN, it looks really bad for the mom in court, so hopefully the worker can get that through to her.
What did I miss on the internets while I was gone?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
On parenting
It has surprised me how natural parenting has been for me and Andy. I'm not sure if that's human nature or the fact that we're both very nurturing people or what, but there hasn't been too much of a learning curve - even for Andy, who had a lot less experience with babies than I did.
I posted early on in the placement that any time the baby fussed at night, I woke up immediately and completely. I still wake up whenever she makes a noise, but sort of doze while I wait to hear if she actually needs something or if she'll go back to sleep on her own (which is most of the time). (This baby is very awesome and has been sleeping through the night since she was about two months old. She does occasionally need her pacifier stuck back in, but we haven't fed her in the middle of the night in months.) I do have to occasionally remind myself (and Andy) that even if picking her up is enough to get her to stop fussing, it's a good idea to check her diaper anyway, but other than that things are pretty smooth.
I still get a little defensive about people's opinions of how we should handle the baby's attachment issues. She is okay with being held by me and by Andy and by two out of five ladies at daycare, and that's pretty much the end of the list. If she were a "normal" baby who hadn't spent a month learning that adults couldn't be counted on, I would let her fuss more with other people, but she needs to know that Andy and I will take care of her, so we take her when she starts to cry. The funeral we'll be attending soon will mean introducing the baby to dozens of family members, many of whom will want to hold her, which will mean a crying baby, and me taking her back from confused people who want to tell me what I should do instead. I'm working on repeating "This is what's working for our family" (via k8t in this metafilter thread) often enough that it comes naturally.
In the past three-plus months, I have also developed WAY more respect for single parents, who I already thought were pretty awesome. Seriously, I don't get how single parents with infants manage to keep themselves clothed and showered without someone to tag-team with. And yes, I am saying this as someone who has recently had to poop while holding a baby who decided that sleeping in her carseat was a totally unacceptable situation. (Fun story to tell her prom date?)
What awesome parenting tips do you have with your kids or remember your parents using?
I posted early on in the placement that any time the baby fussed at night, I woke up immediately and completely. I still wake up whenever she makes a noise, but sort of doze while I wait to hear if she actually needs something or if she'll go back to sleep on her own (which is most of the time). (This baby is very awesome and has been sleeping through the night since she was about two months old. She does occasionally need her pacifier stuck back in, but we haven't fed her in the middle of the night in months.) I do have to occasionally remind myself (and Andy) that even if picking her up is enough to get her to stop fussing, it's a good idea to check her diaper anyway, but other than that things are pretty smooth.
I still get a little defensive about people's opinions of how we should handle the baby's attachment issues. She is okay with being held by me and by Andy and by two out of five ladies at daycare, and that's pretty much the end of the list. If she were a "normal" baby who hadn't spent a month learning that adults couldn't be counted on, I would let her fuss more with other people, but she needs to know that Andy and I will take care of her, so we take her when she starts to cry. The funeral we'll be attending soon will mean introducing the baby to dozens of family members, many of whom will want to hold her, which will mean a crying baby, and me taking her back from confused people who want to tell me what I should do instead. I'm working on repeating "This is what's working for our family" (via k8t in this metafilter thread) often enough that it comes naturally.
In the past three-plus months, I have also developed WAY more respect for single parents, who I already thought were pretty awesome. Seriously, I don't get how single parents with infants manage to keep themselves clothed and showered without someone to tag-team with. And yes, I am saying this as someone who has recently had to poop while holding a baby who decided that sleeping in her carseat was a totally unacceptable situation. (Fun story to tell her prom date?)
What awesome parenting tips do you have with your kids or remember your parents using?
Monday, April 30, 2012
Reflections on two deaths
Cheerful title, huh?
Andy's grandma died about three years ago. Decades of smoking had robbed her of her health and, interestingly, her voice, so that the last few years of her life she spoke in a whisper. (She also had always pronounced my name "Racial" instead of "Rachael," which I thought was funny, and I can do a spot-on impression of her whispering my name, to the general amusement of Andy's sisters.) She went into the hospital with some sort of lump, was operated on and sent to a nursing home to recover, and moved from there to a hospice. We were there a lot in her last few days, and Andy's younger sister was there with us one afternoon. His grandma had been mostly unresponsive, and occasionally would do this terrifying gurgling breath that the hospice workers assured us was normal and much worse for us hearing it than for his grandma. At one point, Andy's sister went over, sat on the side of the bed, took their grandma's hand, and said, loudly, "Grandma? I love you."
And their grandma whispered, "Love you too."
I'm almost certain those were the last words she said.
My great-aunt died on Saturday. She was 92 and was spry enough to have been driving until about a year ago. She was my family's matriarch, the great queenly lady who delighted everyone and held court wherever she was (and there was always a court around her - she had 12 kids). She went into the hospital with "a minor heart attack" three weeks ago and went downhill, then bounced back, then went downhill, then bounced back, then moved into home hospice care. Said great-aunt lives not too far from the Kid, who went to see her last week. Our aunt was slipping in and out of responsiveness, but wasn't reacting to much. But whenever the Kid's daughter, my perfect little niece, yelled or babbled or made noises, our aunt would struggle to sit up and turn towards her.
I don't really have a nice tidy reflection on this. My sister told me about our aunt trying so hard to respond to the little great-great-nice she adored, and it made me think of Andy's grandma talking to his sister. Life and death are interesting things, and love is pretty powerful.
The county said it won't be a problem for us to bring the baby with us to the funeral, even though it's out of state, so I'm grateful for that.
Andy's grandma died about three years ago. Decades of smoking had robbed her of her health and, interestingly, her voice, so that the last few years of her life she spoke in a whisper. (She also had always pronounced my name "Racial" instead of "Rachael," which I thought was funny, and I can do a spot-on impression of her whispering my name, to the general amusement of Andy's sisters.) She went into the hospital with some sort of lump, was operated on and sent to a nursing home to recover, and moved from there to a hospice. We were there a lot in her last few days, and Andy's younger sister was there with us one afternoon. His grandma had been mostly unresponsive, and occasionally would do this terrifying gurgling breath that the hospice workers assured us was normal and much worse for us hearing it than for his grandma. At one point, Andy's sister went over, sat on the side of the bed, took their grandma's hand, and said, loudly, "Grandma? I love you."
And their grandma whispered, "Love you too."
I'm almost certain those were the last words she said.
My great-aunt died on Saturday. She was 92 and was spry enough to have been driving until about a year ago. She was my family's matriarch, the great queenly lady who delighted everyone and held court wherever she was (and there was always a court around her - she had 12 kids). She went into the hospital with "a minor heart attack" three weeks ago and went downhill, then bounced back, then went downhill, then bounced back, then moved into home hospice care. Said great-aunt lives not too far from the Kid, who went to see her last week. Our aunt was slipping in and out of responsiveness, but wasn't reacting to much. But whenever the Kid's daughter, my perfect little niece, yelled or babbled or made noises, our aunt would struggle to sit up and turn towards her.
I don't really have a nice tidy reflection on this. My sister told me about our aunt trying so hard to respond to the little great-great-nice she adored, and it made me think of Andy's grandma talking to his sister. Life and death are interesting things, and love is pretty powerful.
The county said it won't be a problem for us to bring the baby with us to the funeral, even though it's out of state, so I'm grateful for that.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Life continues and I'm glad it's the weekend
Hello, the internets!
This was a busy week and I'm still tired. Being in training at work sort of fries my brain so I have less energy to deal with other stuff, like the new thing where the county says that if the baby's grandma and brother don't have visible symptoms, they aren't contagious, which is total horseshit, since they didn't have visible symptoms at their visit last week and the baby sure as shit got reinfected.
So even though I'm fried, I already have two doctors - my primary care physician and the dermatologist who finally diagnosed her correctly - to refute that claim willing to write letters or make phone calls on our behalf. I don't know if it was a dick move to go above the county's head like that, but hey, I'm not trying to go through this shit a fourth time.
Tonight I think we're going to dinner with Andy's parents, and then I plan to have at least two beers and get some solid sleep. (Fun note: I had two beers in a row last week and got a little buzzed. That hasn't happened since high school. Or maybe ever. Parenting has made me a lame-o.)
Thanks for reading this shit, dudes, and thanks especially to those who comment. It's nice to know y'all are there.
What are you up to this weekend?
This was a busy week and I'm still tired. Being in training at work sort of fries my brain so I have less energy to deal with other stuff, like the new thing where the county says that if the baby's grandma and brother don't have visible symptoms, they aren't contagious, which is total horseshit, since they didn't have visible symptoms at their visit last week and the baby sure as shit got reinfected.
So even though I'm fried, I already have two doctors - my primary care physician and the dermatologist who finally diagnosed her correctly - to refute that claim willing to write letters or make phone calls on our behalf. I don't know if it was a dick move to go above the county's head like that, but hey, I'm not trying to go through this shit a fourth time.
Tonight I think we're going to dinner with Andy's parents, and then I plan to have at least two beers and get some solid sleep. (Fun note: I had two beers in a row last week and got a little buzzed. That hasn't happened since high school. Or maybe ever. Parenting has made me a lame-o.)
Thanks for reading this shit, dudes, and thanks especially to those who comment. It's nice to know y'all are there.
What are you up to this weekend?
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