Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Very brief fostering update

The worker told us yesterday that the big thing that might prevent the dad from getting custody of our girl has been declared unfounded. As in, it's been dismissed, basically.

And he's moving into his new three-bedroom place next week. He has been saying since June that he wanted to get into his new place and settled before he filed for custody.

And the worker told me today that the dad doesn't actually have to file for custody to be granted it; the county's goal is "return this child to a biological parent" and his filing would just make his intentions clearer. The judge can still decide the kid's going to her dad even if he doesn't file.

There are things the dad still needs to do to prove that he can adequately parent the kids he does have and maintain a home safe for a very young, very active toddler, but this is a huge change in circumstances. The worker was sure the big thing was solid (and, in fact, it almost certainly did happen and was a huge thing, but the same hospital that misdiagnosed our girl THREE TIMES said that the marks they saw weren't consistent with the report on how they got there). Aside from this and his constant missing of and lateness to visits and doctor's appointments and stuff, there's nothing, really, to indicate he can't provide a minimal level of care. We are now looking at the very real possibility that the girl we've had for a year on Saturday will be leaving us.


Nothing is for sure, and she's  not leaving until the judge says she is, and all that, but you bet I cried when I was rocking her before bed last night. This is my daughter and my very heart is facing losing a big part of itself.


  1. I have no adequate words. Good luck to you and I hope that the outcome is what's best for all involved lives.

  2. Ouch, what scary uncertainty! I'm glad she's safe with you and I hope there are good people making good decisions about what will be safe for her.

  3. Oh, man. Sorry. Hope this is just one of the dips in the roller coaster ride.

  4. I'm trying to keep reminding myself that we've gone from "no idea, but really maybe staying" to "no idea, but really likely leaving". We're really no closer to an answer than we were last week, so I'm trying to be calm and enjoy this kid as much as I can every day.

  5. Fostering sucks. The system sucks. Sending them home to a less than adequate home sucks. BUT I can still hope that the judge sees that 'dad' has NOT made this little girl a priority and keeps the caseplan going till 'dad' loses interest. Um, and I can pray :)

  6. Ha, StarfishMom, you really nailed it. My mom is friendly with a retired Family Court judge so I'll be getting lunch with her sometime in the next few weeks to pick her brain about this case from a judge's point of view, to see what she might have taken into account if she got this case. Should be interesting.