Things are still progressing around here. I don't have the energy to devote to regular blogging, but that means that any time I pop in, I feel like I'm just doing the same update every time:
1. Nora is still the fucking coolest. She just wants to hang out and I desperately wish our finances made it possible for me to stay home with her and M, but I know that going into debt to do so is a bad idea in the long run.
2. Nothing really to report with M's case. Her dad has been so inconsistent that the new worker (who is still doing as little with the case as she can while our worker's on maternity leave) decided to only extend one of his visits instead of both, so now she has up to three hours of visits a week. They had to change the visits to the morning so now Andy and I can't pick her up, which makes me sad. The termination paperwork still hasn't been filed. I also had to make a few phone calls today because we haven't been paid in two months - we've been having our mail forwarded and it turns out they won't forward checks from the county. Would've been fucking cool for M's temporary worker, her regular worker, or our worker to have mentioned that, since they all knew we were moving. We're not desperate for the money or anything, but I'm certain the county wouldn't have ever tried to make up those two months if I hadn't called.
3. The hardwoods are being done in the house this week, and we're going to start painting on Sunday. There's a lot of painting that we want to do and we're trying to figure out the logistics of painting with two little kids. Any suggestions there would be welcome.
And now, something a little more interesting. Here are words and phrases that I've heard in the rhythmic noises produced by my breast pump:
- Rachael (I hear this a lot, and it's kind of creepy)
- Apple
- Westeros (why yes, I had been watching a lot of Game of Thrones)
- Bob Ross
- Wacko
- Cello
- Let's go
If you have experience with pumping, please reassure me that this isn't just me.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Blogging break over!
Hello, internet friends. Here is what is happening around here:
1. Our baby is still the greatest. She's eleven weeks old and so happy and laid back and she just wants to hang out all the time.
2. It's awesome that she's so awesome, but it makes it way harder to be back at work. I went back three weeks ago and I hate being away from her so, so much. We talked about me going part-time, but our benefits are through my job so if I dropped my hours we'd have to get them through Andy's work, for more money and less coverage. So mostly I just get really teary a lot, and Andy does drop-off so I'm not a weepy mess. I rush to pick the girls up every afternoon and spend as much time in the evening holding Nora as is possible.
3. M is still a funny sweet lovely kid, and she still adores Nora. Today she walked by me and smooched the top of Nora's head, absentmindedly almost, as I was holding the baby. Our usual worker is still out on leave, and the new worker is in no rush to do anything at all with M's case. This is good in that her dad's visits haven't been extended (which the judge ordered in July), and really really shitty in that she hasn't done anything to get the paperwork filed to terminate M's parents' rights. Our usual worker is back next month so I'm trying to not freak too much.
4. We're still waiting for a closing date on our house. It is frustrating to have to wait on banks and mortgage dudes and appraisers and who even knows who else. But I'm daydreaming about autumn in our new-old house, with pumpkins on the front porch and pretty leaves changing color on our street!
I'm fucking tired a lot still so I've been keeping up with reading the internets while I'm pumping at work (p.s. I HATE pumping at work) but can't be bothered to post here much. I'll try not to be away for a month again though!
1. Our baby is still the greatest. She's eleven weeks old and so happy and laid back and she just wants to hang out all the time.
2. It's awesome that she's so awesome, but it makes it way harder to be back at work. I went back three weeks ago and I hate being away from her so, so much. We talked about me going part-time, but our benefits are through my job so if I dropped my hours we'd have to get them through Andy's work, for more money and less coverage. So mostly I just get really teary a lot, and Andy does drop-off so I'm not a weepy mess. I rush to pick the girls up every afternoon and spend as much time in the evening holding Nora as is possible.
3. M is still a funny sweet lovely kid, and she still adores Nora. Today she walked by me and smooched the top of Nora's head, absentmindedly almost, as I was holding the baby. Our usual worker is still out on leave, and the new worker is in no rush to do anything at all with M's case. This is good in that her dad's visits haven't been extended (which the judge ordered in July), and really really shitty in that she hasn't done anything to get the paperwork filed to terminate M's parents' rights. Our usual worker is back next month so I'm trying to not freak too much.
4. We're still waiting for a closing date on our house. It is frustrating to have to wait on banks and mortgage dudes and appraisers and who even knows who else. But I'm daydreaming about autumn in our new-old house, with pumpkins on the front porch and pretty leaves changing color on our street!
I'm fucking tired a lot still so I've been keeping up with reading the internets while I'm pumping at work (p.s. I HATE pumping at work) but can't be bothered to post here much. I'll try not to be away for a month again though!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Quick court and house updates
1. Court. Nothing changed, really. The dad's new lawyer argued for extending the dad's visits, which the judge approved. So now instead of the very bare minimum (one-hour supervised visits two times a week), he's got one step up (two-hour supervised visits two times a week). The worker is switching the time back to mornings to make it easier on M. They haven't filed the termination paperwork yet and probably won't for another month or so (UGH). M's mom was delighted to see pictures of M and says she's back on track and trying to start visits and wants to really try to get M back. I told her that we are so happy to hear she's doing well and hope she continues to do so, and that if she doesn't feel that it's successful we want her to be part of M's life if she stays with us. I worded it more nicely, though. Oh, and according to the dad he only sees his new baby when the mom's in town, which I'm guessing means that he doesn't see her at all. Why can't he go after that kid instead of M??
2. The seller of our house didn't agree to give us any money for the garage issues but we're buying it anyway. We'll be closing in early September. Which is great, because it's been two and a half weeks with my folks and we're starting to feel that friction that comes with too much time in close proximity - nothing serious, just little annoyances. It's a big relief to me to have a finish line in sight. Also I've been watching a lot of HGTV while I'm nursing or pumping, to get ideas and because I haven't had cable in years and holy shit, there's a lot of garbage on tv.
2. The seller of our house didn't agree to give us any money for the garage issues but we're buying it anyway. We'll be closing in early September. Which is great, because it's been two and a half weeks with my folks and we're starting to feel that friction that comes with too much time in close proximity - nothing serious, just little annoyances. It's a big relief to me to have a finish line in sight. Also I've been watching a lot of HGTV while I'm nursing or pumping, to get ideas and because I haven't had cable in years and holy shit, there's a lot of garbage on tv.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Oops, forgot I had a blog.
Hello, hello! I forgot I had a blog for a minute there. We've been happily learning how to be a family of four, plus also we sold our house and moved in with my parents. You know. No big deal. Life as usual.
This baby is still awesome and I'm still loving every second with her. She has outgrown her newborn-sized clothes and it amazes me that my body is responsible not just for growing her but also for every single ounce and inch she's gained since birth. That's some primal mammalian shit right there. Breastfeeding is not bad for me, praise Yeezus, except when she decides to eat every hour on the hour all day and then it's RIP, nipples, for a day or two. I'm off work this week and two more weeks and I pretty much want to hold her every minute of those weeks. She's five weeks old and grins delightedly when you talk to her, so you'd be doing the same thing if you were me.
Fun housing thing: back at the beginning of June we put in a low offer on a house that hit pretty much everything on our "YES!" list but that had a few quirks. Well, to be brief, after a lot of back-and-forth where they tried to get us to give them more money and we kept saying "No, really, that's our best offer. You can say no it it, but we don't have more money than that.", they finally got desperate and accepted the offer as it was originally written. WHAT? But then we had the inspection yesterday, and it uncovered some structural issues in the detached garage, plus confirmed that yeah, buying a house that was built in 1850 will mean we'll eventually be putting out money for upgrading shit like plumbing. So we're waiting to see if the seller will give us money for the garage and then deciding if we buy the house with the 100% perfect location and a bunch of weird small-to-large issues, or if we walk away and start the search all over. Because you all know how much I love uncertainty! It's so much fun!
Speaking of uncertainty! We have court for M tomorrow. I'm pretty sure the paperwork for termination of parental rights hasn't been filed yet, so nothing will happen. Just kidding, even if that's been filed, I'm pretty sure nothing will happen tomorrow. I'll be bringing Nora with me to court, so the classy people being served by our county's Family Court will possibly be getting a glimpse of my nipples. So for once maybe I'll be the spectacle in that waiting room, instead of the yokels yelling about felonies or the teenage girl in a tiara and sweatpants and socks but no shoes. (I love the Family Court waiting room a real lot, you guys. No joke.)
M is still dealing with all the changes in her life pretty well. In the space of a month and a half, she got a new sister, moved in with her grandparents, and moved from the baby room to the toddler room at daycare. She is coping so much better than we could have hoped. Slightly more meltdowns than normal, but nothing too crazy. The only thing that has surprised me is that she's decided she is scared of the bathtubs here. We've tried the big whirlpool tub (she loved the one at my sister's), but even with me in there with her it was a no. We also tried the super-fancy light blue tub in the bathroom with the matching light blue toilet, sinks, and wall and floor tiles (thanks, 1960s!) and that was also deemed too scary. So she's been getting a lot of scrubdowns with soapy washcloths while we work on getting more comfortable with the tubs. It makes me sad to see my confident brave girl so scared, but I know it's mostly just a reaction to so much change. Poor sweet kid.
I'll try to update soon with results from court!
This baby is still awesome and I'm still loving every second with her. She has outgrown her newborn-sized clothes and it amazes me that my body is responsible not just for growing her but also for every single ounce and inch she's gained since birth. That's some primal mammalian shit right there. Breastfeeding is not bad for me, praise Yeezus, except when she decides to eat every hour on the hour all day and then it's RIP, nipples, for a day or two. I'm off work this week and two more weeks and I pretty much want to hold her every minute of those weeks. She's five weeks old and grins delightedly when you talk to her, so you'd be doing the same thing if you were me.
Fun housing thing: back at the beginning of June we put in a low offer on a house that hit pretty much everything on our "YES!" list but that had a few quirks. Well, to be brief, after a lot of back-and-forth where they tried to get us to give them more money and we kept saying "No, really, that's our best offer. You can say no it it, but we don't have more money than that.", they finally got desperate and accepted the offer as it was originally written. WHAT? But then we had the inspection yesterday, and it uncovered some structural issues in the detached garage, plus confirmed that yeah, buying a house that was built in 1850 will mean we'll eventually be putting out money for upgrading shit like plumbing. So we're waiting to see if the seller will give us money for the garage and then deciding if we buy the house with the 100% perfect location and a bunch of weird small-to-large issues, or if we walk away and start the search all over. Because you all know how much I love uncertainty! It's so much fun!
Speaking of uncertainty! We have court for M tomorrow. I'm pretty sure the paperwork for termination of parental rights hasn't been filed yet, so nothing will happen. Just kidding, even if that's been filed, I'm pretty sure nothing will happen tomorrow. I'll be bringing Nora with me to court, so the classy people being served by our county's Family Court will possibly be getting a glimpse of my nipples. So for once maybe I'll be the spectacle in that waiting room, instead of the yokels yelling about felonies or the teenage girl in a tiara and sweatpants and socks but no shoes. (I love the Family Court waiting room a real lot, you guys. No joke.)
M is still dealing with all the changes in her life pretty well. In the space of a month and a half, she got a new sister, moved in with her grandparents, and moved from the baby room to the toddler room at daycare. She is coping so much better than we could have hoped. Slightly more meltdowns than normal, but nothing too crazy. The only thing that has surprised me is that she's decided she is scared of the bathtubs here. We've tried the big whirlpool tub (she loved the one at my sister's), but even with me in there with her it was a no. We also tried the super-fancy light blue tub in the bathroom with the matching light blue toilet, sinks, and wall and floor tiles (thanks, 1960s!) and that was also deemed too scary. So she's been getting a lot of scrubdowns with soapy washcloths while we work on getting more comfortable with the tubs. It makes me sad to see my confident brave girl so scared, but I know it's mostly just a reaction to so much change. Poor sweet kid.
I'll try to update soon with results from court!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Oh hello, hormones!
Watching The Jeff Probst Show - I didn't know that was a thing until yesterday, and I don't actually know who Jeff Probst is except that he has a talk show (is he famous?) - and some dude just proposed to his girlfriend in a totally cheesy way and I still teared up. THANKS, 'MONES!
We're all still doing well over here. Hormones are fun, because they seem to basically amplify whatever I'm feeling. Tuesday was my first day with just me and the baby (Andy back to work, M to daycare), and I missed Andy and M so much all day. I actually had to drop something off at daycare for M and she cried for me when I left and I sat in my car crying for about five minutes before I could pull it together enough to drive home (she had a visit that afternoon and she gets picked up from daycare and I couldn't deal with the logistics of switching that, so bringing her home with me wasn't a great option). I'm having a much harder time not knowing what's going on with her future, and I want her around a lot. I mean, not enough to keep her home from daycare, because girl is ENERGETIC and I'm still exhausted and recovering from shooting a human out of me, but I miss her more and stuff, and I find myself wanting to snuggle her out of every little toddler freakout. She doesn't think that's a great idea, because she's only ever been interested in snuggling when it's on her terms, but it doesn't keep me from trying.
Oh, I talked to our new worker yesterday and she told me they've finally started the paperwork to terminate M's parents' rights, but that she thinks it's very likely that the dad will get a suspended judgment (basically, an extra year to get his shit together, subject to specific conditions). Her dad's been very consistent with his visits for May and June, but two months out of 17 isn't enough to convince me that he is really invested in M. Plus, you know, hormones, so I'm freaking about losing her and all. We have a service plan review next week and then a court hearing in three weeks, so I have LOTS OF FEELINGS.
Nora is still awesome and is growing fast. M was formula-fed, of course, so it's weird to not know exactly how much Nora's eating at a time. She gained almost a pound in a week, so it looks like we're doing fine!
We're all still doing well over here. Hormones are fun, because they seem to basically amplify whatever I'm feeling. Tuesday was my first day with just me and the baby (Andy back to work, M to daycare), and I missed Andy and M so much all day. I actually had to drop something off at daycare for M and she cried for me when I left and I sat in my car crying for about five minutes before I could pull it together enough to drive home (she had a visit that afternoon and she gets picked up from daycare and I couldn't deal with the logistics of switching that, so bringing her home with me wasn't a great option). I'm having a much harder time not knowing what's going on with her future, and I want her around a lot. I mean, not enough to keep her home from daycare, because girl is ENERGETIC and I'm still exhausted and recovering from shooting a human out of me, but I miss her more and stuff, and I find myself wanting to snuggle her out of every little toddler freakout. She doesn't think that's a great idea, because she's only ever been interested in snuggling when it's on her terms, but it doesn't keep me from trying.
Oh, I talked to our new worker yesterday and she told me they've finally started the paperwork to terminate M's parents' rights, but that she thinks it's very likely that the dad will get a suspended judgment (basically, an extra year to get his shit together, subject to specific conditions). Her dad's been very consistent with his visits for May and June, but two months out of 17 isn't enough to convince me that he is really invested in M. Plus, you know, hormones, so I'm freaking about losing her and all. We have a service plan review next week and then a court hearing in three weeks, so I have LOTS OF FEELINGS.
Nora is still awesome and is growing fast. M was formula-fed, of course, so it's weird to not know exactly how much Nora's eating at a time. She gained almost a pound in a week, so it looks like we're doing fine!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I had a baby!
Internet! I HAVE A NEW BABY!
She finally arrived on Father's Day after 36-ish hours of labor. Andy was born on Father's Day, incidentally, and she shares a birthday with our goddaughter, her cousin. She's so fucking cool.
Labor and delivery did not go exactly as planned, as you might have guessed when I mentioned THIRTY-SIX-PLUS HOURS. It started with regular contractions on Friday night and lasted through Sunday at noon. We found out about two hours before the baby was born that she was face-up, which explains the very slow progression and the seriously painful back labor that I didn't identify as back labor until afterwards. I'm sure you all know that with my hippie leanings I was planning to go med-free if I could, but I ended up getting an epidural at about 8 centimeters so I could try to rest before I needed to push, and I'm really glad I did, because while I was dozing my body relaxed enough that the baby started to turn, so she could come out the right way. She was 7 pounds, 15 ounces and is perfectly healthy. Her name is Eleanor Jane, and we call her Nora.
I'm feeling incredibly lucky to be one of those moms who just can't stop staring at the baby, all blissed out and amazed that she came out of me and that she's totally perfect. I've struggled with depression in the past and know that having a history with depression makes postpartum depression more likely, so Andy and I are both keeping an eye out for symptoms, but so far I just couldn't be happier. I'm so amazed by her eyelashes and her little toes and her skinny chicken legs and that I made all of them with my own body.
M is adjusting very well and is incredibly sweet to the baby. She is still very much a toddler, so she happily kisses the baby and loves to snuggle her, but hollers for attention when we're absorbed with Nora. We've been working on giving her lots of extra love and snuggles and attention, while still being consistent with rules and boundaries. I think, all things considered, she is doing incredibly well.
I am currently sitting in my living room in my period underwear, doing some skin-to-skin time with the baby, with a spare swaddle blanket handy to catch spare drips of breastmilk, because it turns out that shit can just leak out on its own. I imagine Kim Kardashian is doing the same thing right now. Pretty glamorous!
She finally arrived on Father's Day after 36-ish hours of labor. Andy was born on Father's Day, incidentally, and she shares a birthday with our goddaughter, her cousin. She's so fucking cool.
Labor and delivery did not go exactly as planned, as you might have guessed when I mentioned THIRTY-SIX-PLUS HOURS. It started with regular contractions on Friday night and lasted through Sunday at noon. We found out about two hours before the baby was born that she was face-up, which explains the very slow progression and the seriously painful back labor that I didn't identify as back labor until afterwards. I'm sure you all know that with my hippie leanings I was planning to go med-free if I could, but I ended up getting an epidural at about 8 centimeters so I could try to rest before I needed to push, and I'm really glad I did, because while I was dozing my body relaxed enough that the baby started to turn, so she could come out the right way. She was 7 pounds, 15 ounces and is perfectly healthy. Her name is Eleanor Jane, and we call her Nora.
I'm feeling incredibly lucky to be one of those moms who just can't stop staring at the baby, all blissed out and amazed that she came out of me and that she's totally perfect. I've struggled with depression in the past and know that having a history with depression makes postpartum depression more likely, so Andy and I are both keeping an eye out for symptoms, but so far I just couldn't be happier. I'm so amazed by her eyelashes and her little toes and her skinny chicken legs and that I made all of them with my own body.
M is adjusting very well and is incredibly sweet to the baby. She is still very much a toddler, so she happily kisses the baby and loves to snuggle her, but hollers for attention when we're absorbed with Nora. We've been working on giving her lots of extra love and snuggles and attention, while still being consistent with rules and boundaries. I think, all things considered, she is doing incredibly well.
I am currently sitting in my living room in my period underwear, doing some skin-to-skin time with the baby, with a spare swaddle blanket handy to catch spare drips of breastmilk, because it turns out that shit can just leak out on its own. I imagine Kim Kardashian is doing the same thing right now. Pretty glamorous!
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Let's hear it for maternity leave!
No, I haven't had this kid yet. I just am so fucking tired all the time that instead of working till my due date, as I originally planned, I'll be starting my maternity leave on Wednesday of this coming week. It makes no sense for me to start a new project at work and then mostly just sit and stare at stuff and wish I were napping, and then be exhausted when labor finally hits. I am REALLY PUMPED about getting to nap. Depending on how I'm feeling, I also have exciting plans to clean the bathrooms and bake some stuff, like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and granola bars and the like, to have on hand after the baby arrives.
We went to a wedding last night and despite my best efforts I was unable to dance her out. I did plenty of my classic wedding dance move - pelvic thrusts - and got a whole lot of people to join in. I considered, but ultimately decided against, walking off the dance floor, spilling a cup of water, and then standing over it looking panicked, just to fuck with people.
Have I mentioned that M's worker, the one we like so much, is pregnant as well, and due twelve days after I am? She'll be out for FOUR MONTHS so we'll have a new worker for that time. M's worker really likes the new one and says she's on her game, so maybe, just maybe, the paperwork for termination of parental rights will be started and/or filed by the time the regular worker is back. (Yes, that's the paperwork that could have been filed in April. You can guess how optimistic I am about it happening any time soon.)
Oh, things are moving along with our house. We accepted an offer (the first one we got) and have a "sale pending" sign in the yard now. We put in an offer on one we liked but knew it was very low, so we don't expect anything to come of it. It's looking certain at this point that we'll sell our house and then move in with my parents for a few months while we finish the buying process. Because nothing screams "SUCCESS!" like moving in with your parents at the age of 28 with your husband and a toddler and a newborn and two dogs! (In fact, my parents have plenty of room and are thrilled with the idea and will be delighted to chase M around while I deal with the newborn, so it will be as okay as it could be.)
Maybe one of these days I'll get back to posting interesting stuff! Maybe!
We went to a wedding last night and despite my best efforts I was unable to dance her out. I did plenty of my classic wedding dance move - pelvic thrusts - and got a whole lot of people to join in. I considered, but ultimately decided against, walking off the dance floor, spilling a cup of water, and then standing over it looking panicked, just to fuck with people.
Have I mentioned that M's worker, the one we like so much, is pregnant as well, and due twelve days after I am? She'll be out for FOUR MONTHS so we'll have a new worker for that time. M's worker really likes the new one and says she's on her game, so maybe, just maybe, the paperwork for termination of parental rights will be started and/or filed by the time the regular worker is back. (Yes, that's the paperwork that could have been filed in April. You can guess how optimistic I am about it happening any time soon.)
Oh, things are moving along with our house. We accepted an offer (the first one we got) and have a "sale pending" sign in the yard now. We put in an offer on one we liked but knew it was very low, so we don't expect anything to come of it. It's looking certain at this point that we'll sell our house and then move in with my parents for a few months while we finish the buying process. Because nothing screams "SUCCESS!" like moving in with your parents at the age of 28 with your husband and a toddler and a newborn and two dogs! (In fact, my parents have plenty of room and are thrilled with the idea and will be delighted to chase M around while I deal with the newborn, so it will be as okay as it could be.)
Maybe one of these days I'll get back to posting interesting stuff! Maybe!
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