Watching The Jeff Probst Show - I didn't know that was a thing until yesterday, and I don't actually know who Jeff Probst is except that he has a talk show (is he famous?) - and some dude just proposed to his girlfriend in a totally cheesy way and I still teared up. THANKS, 'MONES!
We're all still doing well over here. Hormones are fun, because they seem to basically amplify whatever I'm feeling. Tuesday was my first day with just me and the baby (Andy back to work, M to daycare), and I missed Andy and M so much all day. I actually had to drop something off at daycare for M and she cried for me when I left and I sat in my car crying for about five minutes before I could pull it together enough to drive home (she had a visit that afternoon and she gets picked up from daycare and I couldn't deal with the logistics of switching that, so bringing her home with me wasn't a great option). I'm having a much harder time not knowing what's going on with her future, and I want her around a lot. I mean, not enough to keep her home from daycare, because girl is ENERGETIC and I'm still exhausted and recovering from shooting a human out of me, but I miss her more and stuff, and I find myself wanting to snuggle her out of every little toddler freakout. She doesn't think that's a great idea, because she's only ever been interested in snuggling when it's on her terms, but it doesn't keep me from trying.
Oh, I talked to our new worker yesterday and she told me they've finally started the paperwork to terminate M's parents' rights, but that she thinks it's very likely that the dad will get a suspended judgment (basically, an extra year to get his shit together, subject to specific conditions). Her dad's been very consistent with his visits for May and June, but two months out of 17 isn't enough to convince me that he is really invested in M. Plus, you know, hormones, so I'm freaking about losing her and all. We have a service plan review next week and then a court hearing in three weeks, so I have LOTS OF FEELINGS.
Nora is still awesome and is growing fast. M was formula-fed, of course, so it's weird to not know exactly how much Nora's eating at a time. She gained almost a pound in a week, so it looks like we're doing fine!
Showing posts with label hormones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hormones. Show all posts
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Obligatory holiday post
Merry Christmas, y'all! Hope your day was full of loveliness and delightful surprises.
I have been dealing with some hormones the last few days, so my holidays have been about 93% delightful and 7% feeling overwhemed/crying/did you seriously just say that to me? So that's been pretty cool.
This crying shit is new, by the way. Made it to almost 15 weeks without crying overtaking me (besides relieved tears at the ultrasound), and then twice in the last two days, I seriously felt unable to stop myself from crying. Yesterday, Andy had to work so I had to do all of the last-minute Christmas stuff with the baby, while exhausted, and even when he got out of work he was only home for about half an hour before he had to leave to get ready for music at church. Usually this would have been "less than ideal, but nothing I can't handle!" but the hormones had me convinced it was ALL TOO MUCH and the poor guy walked in to find me wrapping presents and crying. I even was lucid enough to explain that really, I understood that my face was doing ridiculous things and that it was fine and the baby and I would be at church in our fancy clothes and all the last-minute stuff was seconds away from completion, but my face just would not quit with the tears.
Of course everything worked out fine, and we were there in our fanciest clothes, and his drumming and singing were awesome, as always. I actually love that he drums at church for Christmas Eve, since we don't even attend except Christmas and Easter. I think it's sweet, and I love that he has a real reason to drum for a while, since he was in a band when we met and our life right now wouldn't make that a great idea.
Today we had a really awesome slow morning, and the baby had a great time. Her favorite things to play with, in order: the box I used to wrap a belt for for Andy; the gum from Andy's stocking; the fancy-ass handmade wooden train set we got her; a jingling dog toy we've had longer than we've had her.
We spent the early afternoon with my family, and the late afternoon with Andy's. There was some nonsense from Andy's mom and sister, directed at me, that made it pretty clear that I'm still considered an outsider. I know the hormones are making it into a bigger deal than it might otherwise be, but I also know that in the past year I've worked hard at refusing to let people treat me poorly, so I'm trying hard to decide how to deal with this. (This was responsible for today's crying. Andy backs me up when he knows what's going on, but it's not always easy to relate a particular tone of voice or attitude, so it often seems like I'm making a fuss over nothing, I'm sure. He will support me fully in however I decide to handle this, which is very reassuring.)
So! I suppose NewBaby wanted to make itself known for the holidays as well. I've really enjoyed that other 93%, though, and I hope you all had less crying and more eggnog. I've got to work tomorrow so my version of unwinding right now will be some hot chocolate and a Christmas movie. If it weren't for NewBaby, the hot chocolate would have a serious dollop of Bailey's in there.
I have been dealing with some hormones the last few days, so my holidays have been about 93% delightful and 7% feeling overwhemed/crying/did you seriously just say that to me? So that's been pretty cool.
This crying shit is new, by the way. Made it to almost 15 weeks without crying overtaking me (besides relieved tears at the ultrasound), and then twice in the last two days, I seriously felt unable to stop myself from crying. Yesterday, Andy had to work so I had to do all of the last-minute Christmas stuff with the baby, while exhausted, and even when he got out of work he was only home for about half an hour before he had to leave to get ready for music at church. Usually this would have been "less than ideal, but nothing I can't handle!" but the hormones had me convinced it was ALL TOO MUCH and the poor guy walked in to find me wrapping presents and crying. I even was lucid enough to explain that really, I understood that my face was doing ridiculous things and that it was fine and the baby and I would be at church in our fancy clothes and all the last-minute stuff was seconds away from completion, but my face just would not quit with the tears.
Of course everything worked out fine, and we were there in our fanciest clothes, and his drumming and singing were awesome, as always. I actually love that he drums at church for Christmas Eve, since we don't even attend except Christmas and Easter. I think it's sweet, and I love that he has a real reason to drum for a while, since he was in a band when we met and our life right now wouldn't make that a great idea.
Today we had a really awesome slow morning, and the baby had a great time. Her favorite things to play with, in order: the box I used to wrap a belt for for Andy; the gum from Andy's stocking; the fancy-ass handmade wooden train set we got her; a jingling dog toy we've had longer than we've had her.
We spent the early afternoon with my family, and the late afternoon with Andy's. There was some nonsense from Andy's mom and sister, directed at me, that made it pretty clear that I'm still considered an outsider. I know the hormones are making it into a bigger deal than it might otherwise be, but I also know that in the past year I've worked hard at refusing to let people treat me poorly, so I'm trying hard to decide how to deal with this. (This was responsible for today's crying. Andy backs me up when he knows what's going on, but it's not always easy to relate a particular tone of voice or attitude, so it often seems like I'm making a fuss over nothing, I'm sure. He will support me fully in however I decide to handle this, which is very reassuring.)
So! I suppose NewBaby wanted to make itself known for the holidays as well. I've really enjoyed that other 93%, though, and I hope you all had less crying and more eggnog. I've got to work tomorrow so my version of unwinding right now will be some hot chocolate and a Christmas movie. If it weren't for NewBaby, the hot chocolate would have a serious dollop of Bailey's in there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)