Three ways in which I am awkward

1. Any time I get new glasses, I feel sort of like I'm wearing a costume for the first few weeks. Like, I got these glasses a few months ago and I'm still a little weird about wearing them with big earrings - which, since I have really short hair, are sort of my go-to accessory. I am getting a haircut tonight and am planning to wear my contacts so I can see what the hell is going on, but also so I don't have to talk to anyone there about my new glasses, because they haven't seen them and my old boss there is kind of a bitch, so she'd flat-out tell me if she thought they looked stupid or too hipster-y (I mean, they sort of are) and I just don't want to have to deal with that.

2. Also haircut-related: I used to dye my hair. A lot. And I had a mohawk as recently as a few months ago. But right now it's seriously such a boring, plain-jane cut, in my natural color, that I feel like a soccer mom a little bit. But I'm scared to do anything crazy to it, because of the foster stuff. I know I can always dye over it (probably, depending on what I do to it), or style it so it's not really obvious if it's a hawk, but I still feel like I have to defend myself to people when I look "different." And it doesn't really feel "worth it" to dye it a normal color (I actually have a box of black dye in my cupboard) and deal with upkeep and stuff, because I've always dyed my hair for fun, not to convince people my hair was supposed to be that color. I OVERTHINK THINGS, IS WHAT I'M SAYING.

3. Also overthinking-related: my mom and sister are throwing me and Andy a foster-stuff shower. Which is so freaking awesome and will give all the friends who keep saying "How can we help?" a specific way to help, and it will save us a ton of money. But I really like being the center of attention on my terms: because I am a self-absorbed extrovert who thinks she's funny. I don't really like birthday parties, when everyone stares at me while I open shit, and my parents actually had to talk me into having a graduation party by reminding me that I was paying for college myself and that people would give me money. I don't want people to feel like they have to come to this shower, or like they have to get us something, or that we don't want hand-me-downs or whatever. But my sister is mailing the invites (which look freaking great), so she needed me to get her some addresses. I sent out the most awkward email ever to my work friends, telling them they don't have to come, but I like them and it would be cool to hang out, and there will be cupcakes, and they don't have to bring anything, if they come at all, and stuff. I can't ever just be like, Hey, there's this shower, you'll get an invite, come if you want! I have to explain everything. Oh, and I've decided that it will be a good idea to use all-natural slash organic stuff for the kids, but instead of just putting "All-natural or organic baby shampoo, lotions, etc." on our wish list, I had to justify it with a note about how it won't hurt to limit their exposure to chemicals or whatever, so people don't think I'm getting uppity or whatever.

I'm such a goddamn weirdo.

What overthinking have you been doing lately? Are these reasonable things, or am I Elaine-from-Seinfield-level crazy?

Awkward things I have done in the last three days

• Dropped my card out the window at the Starbucks drive-through.

• Opened my car door to retrieve the card from the ground without remembering to unbuckle first.

• Dripped full-fat whipped cream on my bright-pink shirt, which means it now joins the ranks of the 40% of my shirts that have a grease-splotch on them.

• Paid for my Chinese-take-out lunch, then stood awkwardly at the counter in front of the register instead of sitting at any of the four available tables until it was ready.

• Over-caffeinated myself, then tried to read Village Board Meeting minutes to look for very specific information.

• Told other people about my levels of urine production.

• Tickled a toddler who was really cool with me pretending to tickle him, but who stopped smiling completely the second I made contact.

• Tried to drink a twenty-ounce soda with a straw. The straw was regular size so it would have slipped down inside the bottle if I let it, which I didn't by clever means of removing it and licking it off and placing it on my coaster on my desk after every sip. It was not the best process.

• Bathed both dogs with anti-fungal shampoo, after discovering what appeared to be ringworm on Pancakes. I bathed them after working in the garden for hours, which means I got big muddy splotches all over the bathroom.

• Rubbed anti-fungal cream into my dog's soft pink belly.

• Used the word "splotch" twice in this post.

• Hogged all the water in the shower, then did a "too bad for you" dance that mostly consisted of pelvic thrusts when Andy pointed out that I was hogging all the water.

• Wondered if I have been talking too much about this whole foster care thing to my work friends (two of whom are married to dudes who have had vasectomies, one of whom is a lesbian and childless, and one of whom is a married dude with two small kids). Then felt defiant, because it is a big deal and I shouldn't have to feel weird about talking too much about a life-changing thing. Then still thought maybe I shouldn't mention it for a while, or at least until something new happens, or whatever.

• Filled out part of my annual employee self-evaluation, which is one of those totally forced, not-really-useful-to-anyone fill-in-the-box forms that everyone despises, and tried really hard to not just regurgitate the answers I put last year, because I have the same job, so how are my answers going to be different?

• Realized that my boss had requested that I return the form "as close to [date] as possible" and wondered if it was some sort of test, like maybe I shouldn't send it early like I was planning to so I don't have it sitting in my inbox staring at me. Like maybe too early is as bad as too late. Then I remembered that my boss didn't hold my annual evaluation (originally scheduled for June) until October last year, so it's unlikely she's being devious with her instructions here.

• Managed to elbow Andy in the head twice while we snuggled on the couch.

• Tripped on Pancakes at least three times.

• Thought I heard my work best friend walking by, so whipped around in my chair and gave her my best ridiculous bland smile with half-closed eyes. Opened them to see someone who is totally not the work best friend staring at me, disconcerted.

Any of you have any awkward to share?

Hello, blog world.

Well, I just got the memo that it is 2010 and everyone who's anyone (hello, Kid Sister) has a blog. So here's mine. Why "Making It Awkward"? 

If you have to ask, you've clearly never seen me dance.